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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Could she have 'oppositional defiance'?  Is her character like that of anyone in your family?  I totally agree with the PP who said that "some things cannot be punished away."  However, in interacting with kids like this I make clear my rules as in, "No, we don't use that kind of language in this house." I have quite often seen children who yell at their own parents behave in totally different way in my home because they know I will not invite them back if they do not.  They also know that I have cancelled playdates if my own kids break my rules.  As a teacher I have walked into a class of misbehaving kids and had them all quiet within 2 minutes.  We all make mistakes but children these days have no incentive to try their best because they lose nothing by refusing to control themselves.  I have a daughter who can be rude and obstinate and speak disrespectfully.  "Is your behavior appropriate? No, it's not. Where is your phone? Thank you. You will not be seeing it again for six weeks." Before I took a harsh approach I would confirm with a professional that there are not other issues.[/quote]

ODD isn’t in the DSM any longer.  Kids were likely to be on the spectrum, have adhd or other learning or mental health difficulties.  That said, op, read the kazdin method.  It an evidence based way to help behavior change through positive reinforcement.  The initial cohort were kids diagnosed with odd.  Mansuedo also uses kazdin for ocd.

The big emotions and meltdown are related to executive functioning—how to regulate.  Being “defiant” is related to flexible thinking.  The last key piece to EF is working memory.  If you have adhd or autism or whatever, and you get upset or stressed, information you could access in your working memory, might go out the window.

If you look in the sn forum, there’s group doing a virtual social skills group.

Op, I don’t think you’re hunting for a diagnosis but you seem to be rather judgemental of your DD.  Please keep foremost in your mind the great things about her.  The fact she’s great with her sibling is fantastic.  Go with your gut b/c no one can diagnose your kid over the internet, sign her up to have a full neuropsychological evaluation.

[/quote]

This.
Also, I think a diagnosis is important because there are key differences between any "disorder." How you guide her as a parent does depend on an understanding of where she's coming from. Imo. [/quote]

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