Reply to If You Were An Older First Time Parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The ideal gap if you can’t afford childcare is 3-4 years. The ideal gap for logistics is 1-2 grades. My kids are within a month of the school cut off on either side, so they are a little over 2 years apart, but 3 grades apart. If you are not working because you can’t afford childcare, the ideal gap is as close together as possible.

I had my kids at 36.25 and 38.5. I was ready physically and mentally to start trying again when my oldest was 15mo. [/quote]

OP here. We are financially stable and can afford childcare. I am working part-time ( I'm a nurse) but will likely go back full-time at a year. I am breastfeeding but we combo feed because I don't make enough milk. I don't really know if there is an ideal age gap, but many people on these threads have said 3 years because older child will be more independent when the second child is born. My OBGYN said not to start trying until 6 months. We really want a second child and maybe we should start sooner than a year. We are having sex regularly ( 3-4 times a week), but we are using birth control. [/quote]

re: starting sooner than a year: it's a tough call, OP. I think an age gap of 16-18 months would be incredibly difficult, and that each month you can wait would make that first year or two of two kids less difficult. But each month you wait to try means less chance of conceiving. I don't think anyone will be able to predict whether it will make a difference if you start between 6 and 12 months or wait until after 12 months. My kids are 21 months apart. We definitely wanted a second kid but for the first month or so of DC2's life, I sort of regretted not waiting longer (DC2 was a much harder baby and it meant I had less time with DC1). That regret faded after the first couple of months and now I can't/don't want to imagine life without DC2.

re: DCUM threads on the advantages of a 3-year age gap: I'm sure things would have been easier at first if my DC1 had been older but that advantage isn't permanent, if there is one at all (e.g., you might expect DC1 to be completely potty trained by age 3 but many are not!). There are advantages to close in age kids, especially once they're both verbal and potty trained. They play together a lot and they overlap more in school and sports than they would if they were 3+ years apart.[/quote]

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