Reply to how to get past silent treatment from my 11 year old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would write him a note and leave it on his pillow and say you all lost your tempers and part of being in a family is forgiving and forgetting, and I would tell him you are signing up for a parenting class, which I would highly recommend. I would also not drive him anywhere or do more than put meals on the table for him if this continues. If he continues to be stuck in this, ask the school guidance counselor to see him. [b]It sounds like the phone is a huge deal, and an eleven year old is too young to modulate his use, so I would think long and hard about screen addiction and closely monitor his time and activity on it[/b]. [/quote]

Normally I'd agree with you, but this kid hasn't had his phone since last week and he hasn't said one word about getting it back to either the op OR her husband.

This kid does NOT have a screen addiction (do you know the definition of addiction?).

If he were truly screen addicted, he wouldn't be able to go days and days and days (since last week) without his phone.

If he truly had a screen addiction, he wouldn't be continuing with the silent treatment. 
He if course realizes that he has the upper hand in this scenario and he truly has mom exactly where he wants her.

All of her apologizing and attempts to make up indicates to him that he's in complete control of the situation. If he truly had a screen addiction, why wouldn't he use the upper hand in the situation to his advantage, make mom happy by making up with her last week and getting his phone back?

I don't think this kid has a screen addiction at all, no way.

This all began when the teacher told him "no screen time" and then mom told him "hand it over now" then mom told him "to get in here now", etc.

He's not addicted to screens, this kid has an aversion to being controlled... he HATES being told when, where and what to do!

OP has already mentioned that her son is stubborn, which goes completely hand in hand with an aversion to being controlled.

Being stubborn is a way of telling the world "You're NOT going to tell me what do!" and if that means that he's going to cut off his nose to spite his face, well that's what he'd going to do.

Do you think that someone who's ADDICTED to screens, could willingly go without screens, just to make a point??

Please.  :roll:

[/quote]

"[b]willingly"? Sounds like he didn't have a choice[/b].[/quote]

NP but I agree, if he were addicted he would be doing what it take to get the phone back and grumbling all the way.  
[/quote]

The PP above has it spot on and the bolded PP needs to get a clue.

You don't think he had a choice?
Of course he had a choice!
Don't you understand that he's in charge right now? I know it, OP knows it and yes, HE knows it.

The kid without a doubt has the upper hand in this scenario and he one million percent not only knows it, but he loves it!

Mom couldn't make it any more obvious than she has been to show him that she's not in control. She's literally falling all over herself trying to get him to throw her some kind of bone and he is not having it and he's not budging.

Does that seriously sound like the kind of kid that's addicted to his screen time?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say NO.

OP, your son is keeping up the silent treatment because he enjoys the reversal of power with you (and that is not a kid who's addicted to screen time, that is a kid with a strong, stubborn will).

I suspect that if he [u]truly[/u] wanted his phone back, all he would have had to do was kiss up to her a little, give her a hug, tell her her loves her and hates fighting with her and end the charade right there -- no more silent treatment for mom.

Mom in turn would have been so relieved, she would have returned that phone to him in a heartbeat, just to get things back to the way they were. She definitely wouldn't deny him of it, because she'd be afraid that he'd start the silent treatment all over again (if you doubt this, read her original post again and you'll see that it's laden with anxiety and fear).
She definitely would have returned the phone for fear of starting World War III.

Nope, this is not a kid who is jonesing for his phone.  This is a kid who's experiencing his first taste of power and you can bet that he's enjoying that power position [u]far[/u] too much to even think about giving it up (especially for something as inconsequential as a cell phone).

OP, your kid is smart -- way too smart. 
He's manipulating the $hit out of you right now and if I were you, I'd get you all in to see a family counselor right now.

This is WAY above your pay grade to deal with, OP and I'm concerned that you're possibly enabling him to keep doing this to you, simply based on his perceiving your actions and desperation to get things back to the way they were.

Get into family counseling now OP, or the teen years are gonna be a total nightmare for you with this strong willed, stubborn, highly intelligent kid of yours.  [/quote]

Excellent, excellent points PP!

I can’t understand how some of you think this is about a phone.
its nowhere near about the phone - it’s all about control.  
Think carefully about your next conversation with him OP and please don’t mention the phone, because the phone is the complete opposite of what this is about (and if you act like it is about the phone, your kid will know that you know nothing about what’s going on with him).

For those of you saying it’s about the phone think about this; the kid hasn't had the phone in like a week and he haven’t asked for it once nor cared enough about that he doesn’t have it to stop giving the silent treatment— does that seem like the phone is important to him?
What’s has he become very invested in, if not the phone?  The silent treatment!
The silent treatment is a manipulative way of controlling ones situation (ie; NOT about the phone).

He cares more about giving the silent treatment to his mom than he cares about asking her for the phone, how is that not obvious?[/quote]

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