Reply to Husband's request

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ummm.... was this in the context of a fight?[/quote]

It's an ongoing issue.  Things have been rocky for a while.  We are in therapy but it's not really helping.[/quote]

Refuse to play this game. Do you think that whatever you list, he is going to dispute? I would expect that outcome.

Tell him you do not choose to do this at this time and then say you both can discuss this request of his during the next therapy session.

I can picture a therapist possibly advising a couple to do things like journaling or making lists to clarify issues. But if DH phrased it as "what value do you provide for me"--that is not about trying to clarify your thoughts or his. That's an attempt to commodify you. It's very telling that your relative incomes are an issue in the marriage.

Be cool and calm and say that you both can discuss the idea with the therapist. See what happens there. Maybe in front of the therapist you can express how the idea makes you feel reduced to an employee rather than a partner and wife.

I'd there any chance he claim in front of the therapist that he never phrased it as "what value you provide for me"? And that if you say he did, he'll gaslight you and say you misremember it? That would be a red flag as big as the initial request. [/quote]

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