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[quote=Anonymous]You don’t get a pass to cheat on your husband, op, regardless as to wether or not he (or you for that matter) have a disability.  You also don’t get to treat your friend like a dirty little secret.  It’s not lost on me that you are thinking this is a good idea with someone who is single and not going home to a wife.  It’s also not lost on me that you are hiding what you are doing which makes me think you know just how wrong this is.

All that being said, you are free to leave your husband.  I wouldn’t judge you for that, anybody can end a marriage for any reason, there is a reason why there are legal legitimate ways to end and codify the ending of a marriage, but there is no way to legitimize and legally codify an affair.

My suggestion is that you and your husband figure out the sex thing.  He may not be able to have penis in vagina intercourse.  What can he do? What can you do? Can you touch, do oral, be naked in bed?

At the risk of being crass, know that online porn works with no physical contact from the viewer. Phone sex used to be a “thing” back in the 1980’s and 1990’s.  Many couples who are separated for whatever reason are encouraged to have cybersex.  Think of all these things and you’ll end up with something.

Know that the medical community doesn’t do well with people who are disabled, they are regarded as medical failures.  Doctors are the mechanics of the body, and if they can’t “fix” you, they don’t know what to do.

Think too about your near affair, I’d bet the two of you have exchanged texts, phone calls, information involving no touching that has gotten your juices flowing.  If you can do that with a friend, you can also do it with your husband.

I am sympathetic to you and your husband because many medical people have very little information on what someone with a given disability is capable of or of what they may want and/or need to do.  This baffles me.  As my kid said once when she was in first grade “I thought doctors were supposed to be smart, why is this a problem.  She was referring to doctors who were specialists in their field, and it blew her mind that they had no experience or solutions for the problem we were trying to solve… a problem that I did manage to solve successfully.  
Once you get your husband back into the idea that he is a sexual being, you will have a better idea of what you’re dealing with.  If he refuses to have any kind of sexual relationship, then I’d think about leaving.  As shallow as it sounds, human contact is a big deal, and it’s a bigger deal if you don’t have it.  Also, sex isn’t something you can just do.  Your post and the secrecy in which you are going about your near affair bears this out.  If the world worked a little differently, you could openly say to your husband and to your friend “It’s been awhile, instead of the hockey game, let’s get a room” and nobody would care.

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