Reply to The impossiblity of mothering

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you need to get over the idea that your primary role is to be loving. Being a disciplinarian (TEACHING your kid)  is equally important. My son is only 8 now but he sounds a lot like your kid.  I'm disturbed that you've conclude he's "not good," as opposed to considering that you lack parenting skills.  My son responds extremely well to incentives. I've long since given up the idealized notion that he should respond to softly spoken conversations about the values of being "kind" or whatever.  All kids want what they want; that's normal. [/quote]
I think he needs the opposite, loving. He needs boundaries too, but mostly loving. In most kids issues are caused by lack of something. Usually it is the attention they seek. Now, this kid doesn't have a dad, could be that op is not able to fill this particular need. She clearly works and has kids to take care of. Somethings gotta give. This child likely tried to get what he needs and after repeatedly failing, gave up. He has come to a conclusion that he will never get it and gave up. 
To the money situation op, what did you offer your ds instead of the money present? Did you ds receive a present of equal value, equal in his mind? [/quote]

I don't disagree at all!  But loving and discipline are NOT the opposites of each other.  My two touchstones for parenting advice are Kazdin and Greenspan.  Together, they teach you how to discipline positively AND the value of giving your undivided, unconditional attention & love to your child.  The problem with emphasizing only "loving" (without support on how to discipline appropriately) is that the "loving" parent gets totally frustrated when the child acts out, even if the acting out is within the realm of normal.  Then they flip-flop to the other extreme and become abusive/authoritarian. This is exactly the dynamic OP is showing - some kind of idealized belief that parenting should all be about "loving"; an absence of parenting skills to teach discipline and handle bad behavior; followed by a switch to the polar opposite (freaking out on her kid). [/quote]
Yes, indeed, both are needed. I don't see from OP's post examples of her loving though? How did she say she shows love and affection to her ds? I mean she wrote she is caring nad provides roof and food, but what example did she give that was not punitive?[/quote]

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