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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I am glad that you understand this. Most DCUM sexless wives don't get it, denying the reality that 100% of men in a sexless marriage are getting it elsewhere.
For men, sexless marriage == dead marriage == DADT open marriage. All of these are equivalent.[/quote]

This just isn't true.  I'm not saying this as an angry female poster.  I'm a man in a dead bedroom.  I'm not getting sex anywhere else.

I'd love to be able to claim that this is the result of some high-minded nobility in me, but the truth is that being in a dead bedroom has ground my self-esteem to dust. The idea of finding a willing partner and then being vulnerable enough to have sex with her considering that my current partner would presumably rather jam a ballpoint pen into her eye socket seems remote to me.

I recognize that I don't speak for all men in dead bedrooms.  I'm sure some men maintain a strong sense of self and a healthy self-regard for their own sexual prowess and lovability.  But I've been on enough DB forums to know that I'm also not all that uncommon.  A healthy cohort of men in DB relationships has had limited experience before their current relationship.  Maybe they were raised religious.  Maybe, like me, they were just not very socially adept.  Maybe they have PE or are otherwise convinced they're a lousy lay.

And, yeah, the answer to that is probably for me and guys like me to work on ourselves.  But that can be challenging for many of the same reasons that the bedroom may have died in the first place.  [/quote]

I posted upthread that I caved and had an affair but I definitely believe you and am not surprised.  I am tall, conventionally attractive and outgoing, get hit on occasionally and still it was hard for me to take the plunge.  So I can see how other men end up without the options or self-esteem to pull the trigger and cheat.

FWIW, it is amazing how the cloud of despair and feelings of ugliness evaporate when you do connect sexually again.  It's like I can fully accept my wife as a platonic friend because she isn't the object of my desire anymore.  It's not ideal, of course, but I didn't choose this.

Good luck brother.[/quote]

But you are choosing to cheat. I’m being pursued by a married guy who’s previously had an affair. I told him I’m not getting involved with a cheater. I suggested he ask for an open relationship since he and his wife are in separate  bedrooms so that there isn’t dishonesty and deceit.  One kid is in college and the other will be in college next year, so they are not little.  He says he doesn’t want to blow up his family so I said no. In a moment of weakness, we did get together a few times over a few weeks and then I said I was ending it for the same reasons as above. I said maybe we can resume a friendship but give me some time.

He’s still trying to contact me by email, text, phone, asking why the silence, didn’t I care about him? Says he certainly cares about me. WTF? I believe he’s trying to resume the affair and I will tell him again NO and stop contacting me until I’m ready to resume a platonic friendship.

I was open to being involved with a married man in an unhappy sexless marriage as long as he was being honest and his wife was aware. I understand he didn’t choose a sexless marriage. But he is still choosing to be a cheater. I won’t support that and feel I can do better than being in a relationship within the confines of an affair or with a cheater. [/quote]

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