Reply to 17 year old son planning on tricking us to spend night with gf -gf’s parents away

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[quote=Anonymous]I think there is a lot going on here that’s subtext.   I think hanging out for three hours to deal with this is odd.  I think you should have talked to him directly when you knew the plan.  I would’ve said “hey, some texts came through to my phone and I’m aware of what you’re thinking about with X tonight. I’m not comfortable with this for xyz reasons.  You’ll need to stay in tonight.  If you disobey this , this is the consequence.”   But moreover I sense you’re being uncomfortable with his sexual relationship.  That’s a part of his life you have no business involving yourself in.  Make sure he knows how to be safe and has access to condoms and continue talks on consent and respect.  Do you know the girlfriend?  It’s a pretty normal desire for him to want to go there when her parents are gone and frankly they aren’t doing anything they haven’t already, but I understand not wanting him to do that and if the parents found out it could jeopardize their relationship, cause bigger problems etc.  I also think he’s not a good kid going bad as you seem to be thinking.  He’s growing up, he’s having sex, he has a girlfriend, he’s done well in school, he has friends, he’s going to college.  Not much to complain about.  I’d let him know that as an emerging adult there still are rules that are important to you while he’s at home or visiting home once at college.  For example, I couldn’t have my boyfriend at my house overnight, but I did stay at friends overnight when in college and that may have included a boyfriend staying too.  That wasn’t my parents decision to make.  You should have rules around drinking and weed and driving etc.  expectations for hanging with family as well as friends.  General GPA expectations while you are supporting him.  That kind of thing.   Absolutely emphasize your relationship but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have guidelines for when he’s home.  We have a home by 1 or stay over and text us rule for college and out of college when visiting home out of respect for our sleep.  We have a no opposite sex overnights unless long term relationship and we are all on vacation together because I really don’t want to hear my kids having sex even though there’s nothing wrong with it- just not comfortable with that.  [/quote]

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