Reply to Mental Load — All the Rage says men just flit it all away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH does take on full mental load stuff, but he didn't when they were babies/little. I don't know what precipitated the change. It happened gradually when they were about 8 and 10. He started planning the whole summer of childcare and various sleepaway and day camps. He posted the job listings on the local college board, interviewed summer/school year nannies/mannies. Was the POC with them for years of driving logistics, and we had to get a new one nearly every year.

He has done all summer camp research, forms, pede visits, bookings, coordination with other parents for groups of friends to go to the same camp at the same time. For years. It is so amazing.

Now they are teens and we are in 2 busy carpools, one for school one for soccer. He handles ALL the annoying text exchanges for those - 6 families and all their changes and week to week random needs. It is so great.

I have no idea why or how. I just feel grateful.

Now they are 14 and 16 and he does SO much more than I do. [/quote]

Hmm this is quite the transformation. Please delve deep into your thoughts and let us know how this came about! I cannot even see my husband researching summer camps. He does other stuff but not carpools and interacting with other school parents - that is all on me so far.[/quote]

Per your request I did some deep thinking about this. I think it was several things that brought the change about, but one major thing: soccer. my DH cares deeply about soccer and got both our kids into it at 4 years old. They both proved good at it but especially one of them. As that child progressed through the soccer machine, the needs were complex, year round and never ending and I just did not care at all. DH had to step up to make sure the special coaching camp was booked, the end of year coaches meetings and parent info sessions were attended, the birth certificates were scanned and emailed, on and on.

Not to mention the yearly multi-family carpool logistics. Oh we are going to host British soccer coaches in our house? wow, ok. Oh you are going to coach both kids teams this year (when they were little)?  Ok. Oh you are taking them to see pro soccer and Beckham in person? Ok. Oh we are all going to watch premier league soccer (I do love the game too thank goodness) and you and DC will have fantasy teams? ok. He has total ownership. Also there have been health clearances needed each year as well as injuries including doctor and hospital visits. He handles all the booking and driving for those appointments and that kind of morphed into dentist, orthodontist and all other appointments. The soccer camp research and booking morphed into all other camp bookings. When they were infants and toddlers he was much more disengaged. [/quote]

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