Reply to Mental Load — All the Rage says men just flit it all away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I handle probably 80-90% of the child-related tasks. Some are by choice (buying clothes) and some are because DH doesn't want to do it/won't do it and some are because it is important to me.

One thing that has worked for us is me delegating the things that he DOES care about (i care too) to him. Such as dental appointments. He is responsible for scheduling them, canceling transportation to school/daycare,  and calling to let school/daycare know the kids will be late or picked up early. In the begining he would schedule and take them but i did all of the front end stuff like making phone calls. Not anymore. I told him that is part of the task. So he does it.

I find if i give him something HE Is in charge of with NO input from me, it goes much better. If DS  has 3 birthday parties, i will give DH 1 of them that is his to figure out. RSVPing, shopping for the gift, drop off/pick up etc. He has really liked this aspect because he is not much of a shopper typically but loves taking DS to look for gifts for the party. It has been a great bonding experience and i take NO part in it, don't comment on the gift choice or how the gift is wrapped. I don't pick out  a card or make sure anything is done. He does it.

This has helped us so much. He hated doing tasks where he felt i would micromanage him (and i likely was) and i hated having to micromanage him (felt i had to). When i gave him some autnomy he really excelled.

Now, he is a good dad and DH to start so that likely  has some to do with it.

I don't get guys who run major departments and oversee dozens of staff but claim they can't handle taking their own kid to a party or getting him to a littl league game on time. [/quote]

This is good advice. I passed tasks over to DH and I don't comment further. A Target gift card unwrapped for a bday gift? I say nothing. I am glad it's done.[/quote]

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