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[quote=Anonymous]I'm in my 50s, married 20+ years, never cheated and, to my knowledge, have never been cheated on.

My thinking on this has evolved over the decades.  I don't think I could remain with someone who cheated on me.  I could, depending on the circumstances, be with a man who cheated on a significant other.

About 10 years ago, my DH had a major depressive episode. His depression had been identified early in our relationship, we had a lot of relationship counseling that was helpful and, with medication, his depression remained under control for the most part.  There would be times when he needed to do more - eat better, exercise more, tweak medication, etc.  But nothing relationship busting.  After about 10 years and 3 kids, we had a number of setback (death of IL, serious incapacitation of other IL, kids diagnosed with SN, etc.) that caused him to spiral into a major depressive episode that last about 2 years.

My life was hell for those 2 years.  If you've never lived for long periods of time with someone suffering from depression, believe you me, you suffer, too.  It was during that time, I understood why someone would cheat on a partner.  I didn't want to cheat.  I wanted the man my DH used to be, the man he would be had he not been in that major depression.  Most of all, I wanted someone to look at me with affection and attraction. I wanted to feel wanted.  I was emotionally depleted, had little resilience and had there been someone who looked at me with interest, I might very well have cheated even though I knew it was a really bad choice.

It's been a while since I posted about this episode, it's usually on threads like 'when did you know it was time to divorce' or 'have you been able to repair a broken marriage' threads.  My DH finally got his depression under control and we're in a good place again, not as good as before this episode but still better married than not married.  I do know, though, that I can't go thru another period like we did.  I now know that I should have separated from him earlier.  I know that if I ever get to the point that I'm so desperate for positive attention, I need to move on from the relationship.  [/quote]

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