Reply to Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?

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Reply to "Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course it is wrong of you to correct someone else’s child.  You are an adult and their parents did not put you in charge.  Of course the mom is upset! You can’t really be this clueless!?[/quote]

This is a terrible, terrible attitude that yes, is prevalent in our society today.  Kids need guidance from adults in their community.  Period.  You should not punish a child who is not your own, but talking to them about their behavior is not punishment.  You should not yell, dress down, or punish in any way, but kids need a variety of adults in their lives and community to talk to them about stuff - including their actions.  If my neighbor sees my kid cross the street without checking for cars - she should be able to say “hey, remember to look for cars, that’s dangerous.”  OP’s own kids was involved in the excluding.  She wasn’t yelling at the kid or making a scene.  There’s nothing wrong with Telling the other kids “I talked to A last night about how you were all excluding B yesterday and so you know, that is not acceptable in our family and I’ve told A that it’s not ok to do.  I hope you will help A be a better brother/sister too and not exclude B in the future.”  People are way to sensitive about this and it is NOT good for kids.  Of course no one should yell at or lay hands on another person’s kid.  But having a convo about acceptable behavior is something adults should be able to do with kids, and kids can discuss with their own parents if they think the adult is wrong.  Their own parents can tell them to ignore it if they think it’s wrong.[/quote]

NP and I could not disagree more.  This isn't about no adults ever disciplining, it's about WHICH adults are in charge and should do so. OP was not there when the exclusion happened, and if she has an issue with how her child is excluded during play, she should bring that up to the aftercare staff, not talk to the children directly, since they do not know her. [b] Her other option is to mention this to the parents directly.  [/b]

That is completely different from a situation where a child seems a child doing something (aka is a witness) and that involves physical danger.  I had a neighbor report to me that my child took off on a bike without a helmet.  I would have been fine if she spoke to my child directly, but coming to me was ok too.  I think the pp who said "no pushing" in the classroom was in the right as well - she was in the classroom when it happened and it was a physical act she was putting a stop to.[/quote]

Her third option is to tell her kid who was doing the excluding that they can't do that and that they can't play with the other two if the other two are excluding his/her sibling.  But that seems even more obnoxious than just talking to the kids.  If you see the other parent all the time, then I could see talking to the parent about it, but at aftercare you never know if you are picking up at the same time as others or not.  You may not see the parent the next day, or that week at all.  I think talking to the kids in a friendly/calm way, with the aftercare staff right there able to intervene it it's inappropriate is fine.  There's just nothing wrong with doing that.  [/quote]

No, using your position as an adult to influence and discipline other people's children regarding a social interaction with your child that you were NOT there to witness is NOT ok.  All parents in the program have agreed to the supervision of the aftercare staff and those are the adults who should be intervening if needed.[/quote]

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