Reply to How to explain to my mom her bitterness towards my dad is becoming painful?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your father did this to you and to your mother. He did this to his family -- your family. That's the breaks when you destroy people by cheating. Blame him, not your mother.[/quote]

Exactly. Not sure I would have any type of relationship with the horrible dad. I've known women that have to stay because they know the DH wouldn't help with college etc. if they divorced.

OP where's the blame toward your dad. That's where you need to focus.[/quote]

Some of you either aren’t reading the entire thread or have a reading comprehension problem.  OP has answered your questions.[/quote]

Thanks thread police. Now go move along and make dinner for your kids or something. [/quote]

From the OP:

“I am emotionally exhausted of hearing about my dad/my kids' grandfather with such bitterness.”

Sounds like she still wants a relationship with Dad.[/quote]

Yes...but I think many posters are questioning why and if that’s appropriate. [/quote]

[b]She is mimicking what her mom did in the marriage.[/b]

[/quote]

Interesting theory. Applied to op's relationship with her mom: op is putting up with an unpleasant one-sided relationship for fear of losing the relationship if she dares to stop the enabling.

[/quote]

I am the PP who posted above about things being harder as my kids aged and I understood their vulnerability, and I think I went through some of this as well. Distancing myself as my kids aged felt like a way of acknowledgement that I had been harmed, that I was really vulnerable, and I didn't need to repeat the family patterns of my youth.

This whole "but he was a good father" really fell apart when my kids aged.[/quote]

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