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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.
Thanks for all the helpful comments. The ones I found helpful suggested I keep doing what I have already been doing; stay out of their lives, but be there for my brother. 
Just to clarify once more, I don’t try to see the baby without her present, but unless mom is present, I am not able to see her. If you think this is normal I must come from a different planet because I would never prohibit my husband’s siblings from visiting whether I am there or not.

Also, the only thing she ever got mad at me directly was what happened when their daughter went TOthe hospital and I did not contacted SIL directly to ask how she was doing (my brother had wrote to me to not contact her directly because she was very stressed out... rightfully so). Other than that she has never been upset at me.

She does not directly Tell my brother to not talk or be on our family chat, but when he told her he wants to get back on the chat, they had a huge argument. She told him she has bad anxiety and she did not sleep for two nights... so of course my brother is not back in the chat. I live far away and whatsup is the only way we stay connected. We don’t discuss anything but kids and send videos and pictures. Once she had told him she did not want to see too many videos and pictures of my kids and that is why she did not want to be on the chat... BTw she used to be in this chat, but left after the hospital stay se soon after that.

I am NOT overbearing and my mom is now very aware that she can’t do or say much so she mostly stays away and chits chats when she sees baby and SIL. Imagine that my mom can’t ask to anyone whether baby is eating, sleeping or nothing because SIL gets upsets. sIL sees judgement everywhere so my mom (and I) are always afraid of saying the wrong thing... we basically just talk about the weather and say how cute their daughter is.

At this point I dislike her very much, but this was not the case in the past... we never got a chance to become friends because of the distance, but I liked her... I kid of hate her now for what she is putting my brother through so yes... now I really don’t feel like getting close to her or getting my nails done with her.... but maybe that is exactly what I should be doing...[/quote]

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