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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this is a bad argument because it makes both sides get upset. And everyone has different experiences and levels of work. Even the last week with my terminal cancer parent dying wasn’t the same as the first week with a newborn waking hourly. I also had a lot more help with my parent and more visitors. With my newborns it was just my dh (and newborns aren’t all easy, I had one very difficult one and an easy one). One parent got his cancer diagnosis and died 3 weeks later. It was a messy, brutal 3 weeks and he died at home. But there was hospice help and morphine. The other parent has had dementia for 8 years. No way should a job accommodate that. Just like with a baby/child, you need care during the day that allows you to go to work.

I think work should allow you 12 weeks (mine was unpaid) maternity leave and then sick leave to deal with parents’ appointments. I work a 9 hour day and have a day off every other week that’s back to back appointments. That allows me to help but also allows me to be a good employee. [/quote]

I think you are being unreasonable.  You could have taken 6-8 weeks maternity leave and then still had FLMA or leave for parents appointments.  If you are taking off 12 week and then a day or two every week, you are not being a good employee.  Your personal life is interfering with work.

You aren't understanding the reality this poster is saying.  We had a dementia situation and it lasted 5 years.  The very end lasted 3 weeks and it was horrible.  Its very different than what you are saying.  You have no concept of this type of care.[/quote]

actually I DO have experience with that type of care. Like I said, my parent has dementia for 8 years and is end stage. That parent doesn't need accommodating from work, they need 24/7 nursing care. No way could I provide that and work.

I'm not taking off work. I work 80 hours in 9 days and get the 10th day off. I'm an excellent employee. [/quote]

So, what is your point if you don't have any direct experience.  Managing someone in a nursing home is very different than 24/7 care, especially if you only visit every few weeks and not daily helping with care.  If they are at the end stage, call in hospice for more care.  They can go into the nursing home.  Medicare pays for it.[/quote]

Are you saying that you are at home caring for a dementia patient 24/7, every day, all day?  If so, bless your heart because my father was in a locked dementia ward and it was a brutal experience to just visit him.  Most elderly people are only at an end stage for a blessedly short time which is where hospice comes in.  [/quote]

1st pp here. Truly you cannot care for a dementia patient 24/7 without going insane. I have toddlers and wouldn't be present in my family's lives if I cared for my parent 24/7. Like I said, it's been 8 years. They're not in ill health, so not hospice. They have caregivers that they pay for out of savings, but still extensive care from me. Like I said, a full day of appointments every other week. I'm just stating kindly that caring for elderly is not something that workplaces can even begin to accommodate because NO ONE could care for my parent and also keep a job 40 hours a week. You're just not able. And I'm sure most people don't also have toddlers too, but it is what it is. I truly only think workplaces should accommodate emergency appointments for family members. [/quote]

You can do it.  There are adult day cares, some have money to pay for caregivers.  We had neither.  I quit my job to stay home.  There was no money.  It took me a year to get a nursing home bed and approved for medicaid.  I had toddlers at the time, one with SN.  And, yes, it was hard after that year.  My spouse would have liked to keep her at home but I couldn't do it anymore nor did we have the space or support to continue to do it at home.  My spouses job is very flexible.  He was able to spend the last few weeks working at the nursing home to be there till the end.  The job I had would never allow more than an hour or so every few weeks and it wouldn't have been possible so I had to quit.  [/quote]

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