Reply to Is everyone into polyamory or random kinks or are Slate’s advice columns just weird?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kinky people have always existed. Until very recently in the US, it was not discussed openly.

DH and I are kinky. I’m a female submissive masochist. I introduced him to BDSM. We’re also fine, upstanding citizens. Taxpayers. Civil servants. Active in church and neighborhood associations.

I think far more people want to practice long-term monogamy than will ever admit it. Most are probably short-term serial monogamists at heart. Others probably fit into some type of polyamory. U.S. society is not set up to support long-term triads/thrupples or other group relationships. But there are many partnered people practicing some form of non-monogamy, sometimes ethically, sometimes not. DH and are monogamous, but we know a couple people who are not. Interestingly, our kink social circle is almost exclusively monogamous couples. I think the swinger circles here must not overlap much with the kinky ones. Or the local swingers are very vanilla.

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I've noticed that people who are into more extreme kinks or consider themselves non-monogamous often greatly exaggerate how common or how many people are like them. It's because people want to see more people like them and not to accept how unusual they are.

I've been around life long enough to notice that there is a very large overlap between emotionally unstable and messy lives and non-monogamy and extreme bedroom activities. I'm not saying this applies to everyone but there's a clear pattern involved. [/quote]

I'm the PP who posted that I've been in the kinky lifestyle and part of the community and I agree with some of your points.  This being an online forum, I think people like to put their sex lives out there and some kinksters are no different.  That may seem like they are trying to over-represent the amount of people into it, or make it sound more mainstream than it is.  In the same way that reading this forum would have you believe that most couples in this area are in relationships where cheating is common.  It's probably more true of people who post on forums that there is a certain verbal exhibitionism they share.  From what I've seen, it's not that common while at the same time, I will repeat that it is all around you.

If your spouse likes to have their butt smacked during sex, does that make them a kinky couple?  Does it make them, unstable?  If so, there are probably a few couples in your social group you wouldn't suspect.  They may appear as stable as anyone you know while you point your finger at "those people." those unstable misfits who practice all this "extreme" stuff that will surely never enter your bedroom, even if it occupies the secret desires of your spouse who knows better than to ever bring it up.

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