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[quote=Anonymous]Some of the defensive adoptive parents here seem to think there is just one person on DCUM who raises awareness about the downsides of adoption. I assure you this is not the case.

The kind of adoptions we do now - where people profit from taking a child from her family, legally erasing her identity, and creating layers of profit from all of the transactions involves - is ver new in human history.  An experiment less than 100 years old, in fact.  How could we not question it, from the perspective of whether it is really what is best for a person?  In the vast, vast majority of circumstances, it’s is NOT best to disconnect a child entirely from his family, his heritage, his history, his legal identity, his extended family.  If his mother is unable or unwilling to care for him, and someone else is able and willing to, that is great, especially if it is a relative who can keep him connectes to his family.  But why sever all ties?  Why create a legal fiction?

There are actually adoptive mothers posting here who ERASE the very existence of their child’s first mother...deny that she is even a mother at all!  And I and other ehonpost about how sick this is are considered twisted somehow?

For the record, I am not a first mother.  But my mother was forced to relinquish a child for adoption, and it ruined her life.  She never, ever got over the trauma, never had a day’s peace without her child.  She never forgot.  And my first sibling was adopted into a pretty horrible family, some of whom continue this emotional abuse even today, 50+ years after her birth.   I have come to know many women who gave up a baby for adoption, and I know only one who does not regret it, and she has the worst self esteem of anyone I’ve ever known.  She simply will not allow herself to believe she was worth of motherhood because literally the only thing she is proud of in her life is that she had the “courage” to allow her child to be give to another family.  Her self-sacrifice is her crown of thorns and she doesn’t know what she would be without it.  But every other birth mom I know, even from adoptions within the past 10 years, realizes now how much they were manipulated and coerced in the process.  The whole
“Counselor” role is a joke.  Their job is to brainwash mothers, guilt them, shame them, and fierce them by nearly any means to get that baby.  And when the women grow older, stronger, wiser, they realize how much they were manipulated.  Some surrendered their rights within hours of giving birth, entirely hormonal, with NO legal recourse if they changed their minds even just a few hours later!

I understand that not all adoptive parents adopted infants in coercive situations.  I so, so appreciate the adoptive parents here who acknowledge and value their child’s first mother and encourage connection to their child’s biological family.  It IS possible in some circumstances to maintain identity and connections with both families.

OP, thank you for posting back with thoughtfulness and without vilifying us who are deeply disturbed by many adoption practices.  You will be a great mom someday.  [/quote]

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