Reply to Getting married in our 40s. How should we combine finances?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are late 30s and just got married last year. Had a kid just a couple months ago.

We have separate accounts for everything. We put everything on the joint credit card and we split the bill evenly every month. A typical monthly credit card bill is $4K and paid in full each month. We take turns paying the mortgage each month. When our kid goes into daycare, we will just likely take turns paying that. For example, if DW pays the mortgage in January, I will pay the daycare bill for January. In February, we switch bills. Vacations go on the credit card and are split. Our wedding was put on the credit card and split. We recently bought a car and paid cash - we each wrote a check to the dealership for our half. When we bought the house, we each paid half of the down payment and closing costs from our respective bank accounts.

It helps that we both have the same salary (about $175K each). We plan to make equal annual contributions to our kid's 529 (about $5K each). We both max out our 401Ks ($19K/yr). However, I have a lot more money than DW in the market while her savings account is 5x the size of mine.

I have student loans that I pay each month out of my own bank account. DW is debt-free and thus has significantly more spending money.

I pay for my own activities. For example, I go skiing with buddies a few times per year and I pay for that myself. DW likes to go to spas or Broadway shows with her sister, so she pays for that herself. DW buys a lot of clothes online, so she handles all that thru her personal credit card. We don't monitor each other's ancillary spending.

The joint credit card is the best way to keep separate finances. You can put pretty much every purchase - aside from a house or car - on the credit card and divvy it up at the end of the month. [/quote]

sounds exhausting to me but i'm glad you guys figured out something that works for you[/quote]

Yeah, that sounds like going Dutch forever. I would not have gone on a second date with a guy like this but whatever works for you.[/quote]

This seems very fair and equal actually. What's wrong with going Dutch? You would have wanted the guy to keep paying for you? This couple make the same amount of money. [/quote]

In our marriage, DH earns all the money and I spend as I please. When we first started dating, we were both in grad school. He still paid for my meals back then. I earned more than DH when we first got married. I paid for our first down payment, most of our wedding and most of all our vacations. Fast forward a decade and I stay home and take care of our children and DH now earns a seven figure income.

I just can’t imagine going Dutch at any income level. Do you make exactly the same? It is unlikely that both parties make exactly the same forever. In our circles, one spouse tends to cut back, not necessarily stay home so income will take a hit.[/quote]

+1.   Going Dutch in marriage is often a terrible deal for the woman.  Any woman who plans to have kids and  agrees to this is a huge loser.  We don’t even have paid leave in this country and having kids holds back women professionally.  Millions of reasons to not sign up for this arrangement.  
[/quote]

Puhleez. The vast majority of American women don't have the option of staying home with the kids or "cutting back" professionally. There is no reason to not split expenses fairly evenly, if both spouses continue to work and are making roughly similar incomes.

Now, if a woman stays home or the husband makes radically more money, I can see the argument to have him pay for the lions' share (if not all) of household expenses. But that's not the situation that sparked this discussion. [/quote]

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