Reply to “You love them more than me now.” PPD in men.

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Reply to "“You love them more than me now.” PPD in men."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If OP had PPD, everyone would try to solicit support. I’d OP suspects her DH has PPD, her husband should have the same type of support solicited. Yes, yes, everyone knows men don’t birth babies. But if you love your partner, sometimes you do thinks because it’s the kind and loving thing to do, not just what you have a right to do differently.

OP, the advice on DCUM will come from women (and men) with different expectations, outcomes, happiness levels in their marriages. Someone telling you to put him in his place might do that with the personality of their DH, but if you did that it may create another storm. You know your husband. Validate his feelings, explain yours too, and you two adults then respect and love each other enough to figure out how to do life together with two wonderful babies that have joined your crew.[/quote]

I actually think this trend of trying to diagnose PPD in men is a crock.  It's just plain old depression.  Men are not post-partum.  Their hormones are not all over the place, they're not physically recovering, they didn't give birth.  Is it understandable to have a hard time adjusting to a big change in life (becoming a parent) even if you didn't give birth?  Sure.  I can see men becoming anxious, or depressed, because their life has changed dramatically.  But I have no idea why we're expected to call it PPD or PPA when men are not post-partum.

If a guy cuts his arm after his wife gives birth, is it a post-partum hemorrhage? [/quote]

I see your point but it feels like a distinction without meaning. Husband's can get depressed and overwhelmed in the newborn stage, especially with twins, and it should be taken as seriously as PPD is. [/quote]

I think there definitely is a meaning to the distinction.  If OP's husband is depressed because he wasn't expecting the transition to be this hard, he misses sex, he hasn't bonded with the babies yet -- all that is situational and temporary.  Talk therapy and maybe a come-to-Jesus is what is in order.  Meanwhile if OP actually had PPD it's not as simple as talking it over and coming to terms with a new normal.  It's not normal.  Your hormones are out of whack and you need to be monitored by a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.  Worst case scenario for OP's husband is checking out of the marriage.  Worst case scenario for actual PPD is a slide into psychosis.

I'm not saying don't take it seriously.  I'm saying call it what it actually is: depression.  I don't think it's a coincidence that PPA/PPD were not discussed and considered a dirty secret literally for generations, and as soon as doctors and society decided to take it seriously, treat it as important, and screen for it, all of a sudden it's just the same as depression, which actually all husbands have too, so let's center the discussion back on how men feel.[/quote]

Preach on. Nailed it.[/quote]

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