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[quote=Anonymous]I divorced at 38, 2 kids under 10, 1 of whom has SN. Financially independent thanks to my income.

I was so afraid at the time of divorce but I bit the bullet. It was the best decision I've made not just for myself but my kids, too. Ex-DH has not been easy, so that part is not easy. But I'd much rather be his ex-wife than wife.

There are pros and cons for the kids. Ultimately the fractures in the family would have happened and been in their house 24-7 if we'd stayed married.

In hindsight, fear of unknown and fear of putting myself "out there" kept me frozen and in the marriage longer. I'd been married a long time and dating seemed unimaginable. However, once I made the decision to divorce, it was an incredible weight off of my shoulders. I started dating (after we were living apart, before the divorce was finalized -- in most states that is a non-issue, so forget the poor legal advice from PPs).

It was GREAT. I wasn't looking for a LTR right away, if ever. Didn't really see myself marrying again. I didn't expect instant dating success or "finding the right guy." I was looking for good companionship when our schedules meshed--attraction, good sex, conversation, restaurants, concerts, museums, biking, hiking. STD testing and exclusivity were musts for me. I had no problems finding educated, financially stable men who were willing to get tested.

Didn't introduce dates to the kids, kept that completely during the time my ex had the kids (and I had the kids most of the time). I had some good low-key relationships that ended because the men wanted more and I didn't. Then, after 3 years, I started dating someone I eventually married. We've been together 7 years now. He is an amazing presence in my kids' lives, and I feel so grateful for everything. It's not perfect or easy but it is great, and I wish I could go back and tell myself 10-15 years ago, it's going to be ok. You can have a happy life, you do deserve it, don't be ruled by fear.[/quote]

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