Reply to Mil never wants to leave at bedtime

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your kids should be respecting the fact that that is a time for their dad and nana to catch up and have adult conversations and not interrupt. It's not always their time with nana. Once they go upstairs, they need to understand that it's their bedtime and respect that. This isn't a MIL issue, it's a child issue and it's not fair to say to your husband, no you can't hang out with your mom and catch up with her because the kids won't stay upstairs like they are told to.[/quote]

[b]Uh no. This dynamic dumps all the responsibility for childcare on the DW. The dad gets to relax and use his mom as an excuse for why he “can’t” do any of his regular responsibilities. It’s great for him! [/b]His wife is too uncomfortable to say anything while his mom is there, so the longer she stays the easier things are for him.

There are 2 ways to fix it:

Dad is in charge of bedtime. Period. He goes upstairs and says goodbye to his mom and walks her out before starting bedtime (on time!)

No more weekday visits. You guys can try again when DH decides he can handle his parental responsibilities AND having a dinner guest. [/quote]
[b]Or maybe DH takes Tuesday nights? [/b] OP never mentioned that the problem is that DH does not help her or is not taking care of his share.  First she said it's a problem that the kids don't settle down and we gave her ideas on how to manage that.  Then she said the problem is that she cannot relax and has been given ideas on how to manage that.  If she posts that the problem is really that DH doesn't help, that's a different thing altogether, but she can get help with that, too and your two ways are not the only ways.[/quote]

It doesn’t sound like this is the case.

OP is saying over and over again that this situation is not working. She is tired, she needs downtime after work. You keep insisting that she needs suck it up and manage the kids better so her husband can have more downtime. You’re saying it doesn’t matter how she feels and what she wants. You keep insisting that she shouldn’t e tired. Only the DH and Grandma’s preferences matter. That’s a recipe for a terrible marriage.

[b]This 100% a DH problem. [/b]Weekly dinners with grandparents is generous of OP. I don’t understand why her DH can’t show her a tiny bit of consideration as well. She is a human being. She is allowed to say that after a long day, guests need to leave by 9pm!  That is really late for a family with young children! In my house it would be 8pm. Her DH is being an a$$. [/quote]

This. OP is already being very generous by taking over childcare/bedtime duties while her husband chats more with his mom. Of course the kids want to stay up while Grandma is still there. She's being very rude by overstaying her welcome.  It's not like OP's husband is taking over the child wrangling, so OP does all the work. OP gets to decide this doesn't work for her and come 9 PM she gets her house back to herself.

OP, if your husband won't cooperate then every other time he takes the kids to his mom's while you stay home and relax. Then he does the bath and bedtime routine when they get home. [/quote]

OP needs to open her mouth and talk to her husband. This is his fault, not MIL’s; she doesn’t feel the visit is over because HE thinks it’s fine! [/quote]

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