Reply to Shortage of "economically attractive" men reason for marriage decline according to new study

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Study makes sense to me. I make >$350k/year and DH makes about $75k. This would not bother me as much if he even did an equal amount around the house and for the kids, but I do 90% of everything. He sits around playing video games. Makes it hard to respect him and I suspect divorce is on the horizon.

It's not about women wanting sugar daddies - it's just that we want me who will pull their own weight and be equal partners. Who wants another child?[/quote]

I also make >350K  a year. Dh was a hardworking responsible teacher before we had kids. Dh became a hardworking responsible SAHD after we had kids. There's no way that I would be where I am today professionally post-kids without dh's work at home.

Your problem is that you married a lazy irresponsible person. [/quote]

I agree. I DID marry a lazy irresponsible person. Or in any case, a seriously depressed person who seems unable to pull himself out of his depression. Not sure I could have known - when I met him he was making much more and had a more high-powered job. He got laid off, got depressed, and never really recovered (it's been seven years....). At first I was sympathetic and patient. Saw him through multiple failed and feckless plans to start businesses, etc. Urged therapy, medication, etc. Then... when he refused to get serious about either getting help, helping me, or kickstarting his own career, I started getting sad and frustrated. Now... I'm pretty much done.  There are occasional moments when I still see flashes of the energetic, creative, hardworking guy I married but they are very rare. I don't think I can take it for much longer.

That being said: I think this story is not uncommon. (As the study under discussion suggests). Most of us women grew up assuming we would work AND care for kids and house, and we do. A lot of men seem to feel the world has betrayed them. I do think there are all kinds of complicated national-level and even global factors at play -- decline of industrial base, expansion of work into 24/7 project, rise of intensive parenting cultures etc. -- so I am not saying this is all a failure of character on the individual level. But it sucks.[/quote]

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