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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is the socially awkward kid having a birthday party designed for an extrovert? Let him have a couple of friends over for pizza and a movie next year or go out just in a small group. [/quote]
Because he wanted to...
I honestly thinks he sees how big brother interacts and has large groups of friends and thinks that’s how he should be.[/quote]

NP here; I agree with the PP.  You need to let your younger son know it’s okay to be different from his brother and to do things in a low key way.  Actually, both sons need this lesson.

But good for you, OP, for seeing the behavior and wanting to change the dynamic.  Now you have to set the limit with your older son.  Take your older son out to dinner or for ice cream before the paty happens, just the two of you, and have a talk with him.  First, apologize for forgetting that he still needs his parents.  Then tell him it bothers you to see him treat his brother unkindly, and that it can’t really feel good for him, either.  Tell him that he doesn’t have to be best friends with his little brother, but you expect him to treat his brother kindly.  And that you expect the same of his younger brother towards him.  Specify no more mean comments to friends, and that if you hear him doing it at the party, you’ll remind him in front of everyone.  Just before the party, remind him of your talk.  And then both you and your DH need to follow through at the party — if he forgets, correct him in front of everyone. You can probably call just his name and look at him at first.  Do it every time.  I doubt he’ll do it more than twice, but if he does, you’ll need a bigger consequence.  If he is resistant to all of this, you should get some family therapy.

Also come up with some organized activities ahead of time that your younger son can do with his friends at the party that they’ll all enjoy, so it doesn’t fall to the older brother to be the entertainer.  Get extra help with the food/refills/cleanup aspects of the party, so you can help facilitate the younger kids’ activities and keep an eye on them.[/quote]

This is good advice. Also, talk with the younger child about developing a thicker skin, and teach him to stand up for himself and/or walk away instead of running and crying to you. He needs to learn the difference between play (popping a water balloon) and bullying (brother and friend saying mean things). Even as a parent, I don't expect like being around the kid who whines and blames at the drop of a hat. Especially a 10 year old.

As an adult, I still remember the resentment I felt towards that girl in grade school, too. I remember being told I needed to be kind to her, invite her, include her. But what do you know, she's crying and I'm in trouble again. Not fun. [/quote]

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