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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back.  Thank you.

I agree with all of these comments.  I am going to take an online anger management course that I found and see if it makes a difference.

To be clear, my kids were not there.  I had dropped them off at school and come back to find all the stuff in the trash.  My husband had no problem with the cops showing up.  I am more upset about it.

I think my husband is part of the problem.  For instance, after this happened, we agreed to come up with a list of ways to make communication better.  I spent the day doing research and printed out a list of ideas, such as taking an anger management course. Then, when we were home and spoke and agreed to talk about it in the living room, I went in and waited for him for 5 minutes, confused, and then I went to look for him again and found him in the kitchen doing some sort of home improvement project.  Again, I lost it, but again, his reaction was that I was making a big deal out of nothing.  He "just" got distracted and forgot, and what does it matter when he goes to the living room.  When he finally arrived, I took out my list and showed it to him, and he was fine with the ideas, but when I asked him for his, he had done nothing all day, but what does it matter, because he agrees with my ideas.  It is like being married to a wall.[/quote]

OP, it sounds like he has Aspergers and some narcissism.  Does he often make you feel like you’re crazy?  He never asks you what your opinion is, right?  Does he “create” problems out of nothing that make you look crazy (gaslighting)?  Is he perfect with everyone outside of your household but different behind closed doors?  Does he appear to enjoy getting a rise out of you?  Does he largely have no idea about anything in your life?  Is he disinterested in things you’re involved with or doing?  Does he seem like he operates with zero empathy (like a computer)?  If you’re answering YES to these things, something is very wrong.

It’s highly likely he has a personality disorder and it’s making you go crazy.  My advice is to seek counseling for yourself from someone who specializes in Aspergers and Narcissism.  It is vitally important that they specialize in these areas or they’ll do more damage than good (I speak from experience).  You need a strategy of how to interact with him or you’re going to turn into a different person (I think that’s happening now and why you’ve reached out).  [/quote]

OP back.  Yes, he makes me feel like I am crazy.  But, he does this with everyone.  Our kids want nothing to do with him.  Even when it was 100% my fault that the police came because I was the one yelling (in case they heard from the neighbors) they were mad at him and hugged me.  He never smiles, never engages them, never remembers anything he asks them to do.  My sister cannot stand my husband even though he has never done anything to her, she calls him a "wimp."  He never calls back his parents when they leave him messages even when they threaten to call the police to make sure he is okay.  He does not have any friends because he bails on them when they ask him out, even when he said he will go, and "forgets" to call them back for months.  And he never feels sorry or understands the big deal of what is happening.  The only thing he takes seriously is his job with a NGO doing international humanitarian work which is his entire life and everything else compared to it is "nothing" and he constantly reminds everyone of this in his calm monotone way.

As I said, I agree that the reaction that I had was 100% my fault.  I agree that I need anger management.  I agree that I need to disengage from this situation because it "goes in one ear and out the other."

I still do not agree that my husband does not have serious issues but I understand that it is not clear from my post that there is something wrong with my husband.  There is something wrong with this man.  If it's not aspergers, and its not narcissim, and its not depression, maybe he has dementia?  Something is wrong with him.  And to be clear, I tried to walk away and leave multiple times two days ago, and yes, he followed me, and continued to say things that made me more upset, like "Why are you upset?  I accomplished what you wanted accomplished."  It was maddening. It is like he is trying to drive me to a mental hospital, but let us assume that he is not trying to do that since he treats everyone like this awful way.

For the one poster who criticized my language skills -- English is my first language and I do not speak any other languages and I am a high-paid professional.  If my posts come across like I do not speak English, oh well.[/quote]

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