Reply to 30 year old DH blowing up his life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is tough OP. I agree that it sounds like the medication could be behind this abrupt of a change. I would go to the doctor as others have advised and report the changes you are seeing, because, at the very least, your DH may not be able to see them clearly for himself. I know if I were affected by meds in this way, I would hope and pray my DH would do this for me, and not just leave me.

OTOH, if your DH is somehow refusing to cooperate with medication changes, is someone you can no longer live with, is dangerous, etc., then you must look out for yourself. [/quote]

As a person with a bipolar ex, I really think this PP has the balance correct == if you're married, hopefully you would expend some energy helping your DH get help.  On the other hand, sometimes mental illness can get really out of hand really fast.  There is no "timeline to stay or leave" in this situation.  I stayed with my DH for 2 1/2 years.  During that time it was clear that he was engaging in behaviors that were problematic (drinking, hyper sexuality, depression, anxiety) but he was never correctly diagnose or medicated.   He also never committed to stop self-medicating and take the prescribed medication consistently.  I think that many people don't realize that people with mental illness sometimes engage in behaviors that are abusive, even if those behaviors are driven by illness.  In other words, one person is shouting at his wife because he's depressed, and another one is shouting at his wife because he's a domestic abuser -- there's really no difference.  I was the wife on the receiving end of a lot of inappropriate behavior and the fact that it was driven by "illness" didn't mean I had to tolerate it or live with it long term (or even short term).  I had to protect myself and my future.  Perhaps I would have felt differently if my DH had been committed to working through his troubles with a psychiatrist and therapist, but he wasn't.  Maybe he didn't want to because those people didn't diagnose him properly and as a result what they were doing wasn't helping him.  That's sad, but also not my responsibility to stay with him if he is behaving inappropriately.

In the end, at a certain point, I had to take care of my now health and safety and life first, as well as my kids'.  TBH, I am glad I stayed to help, but even 2 1/2 years was too long and VERY damaging to us all.

I do believe in "in sickness and health"  but I don't believe that "sickness and health" includes addiction, abuse or adultery.  Any one of those can be a component of living with a mentally ill person.  [/quote]

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