Reply to What do you do to make your house feel like a home for your kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have been thinking about this thread a lot, OP, especially what made my childhood house a home (if anything). I have a good relationship with my parents but ultimately our family’s house is not a home, despite having been there for 25 years. My brother and I never want to just visit or hang out there as adults despite living close. When we go for holidays we bail as soon as the main festivities are done (ie immediately after thanksgiving dinner). My husband’s family, on the other hand, loves going home. As kids, his front door was always open and I rarely had friends over. I think the big differences between our two homes were/are:

1. Parents who are excited to see you. My parents are more of the “oh hey” variety vs “hugs and kisses.” This was true as kids too. 
2. Light, preferably natural. My family’s house doesn’t get much natural light and my dad keeps the lights off, even during the day. My in laws don’t have the best lighting but they keep lights on and windows open. I think it just feels warmer.
3. Noise. My family is a bunch of introverts which means the house is often very quiet. Music or background TV can cover for conversation as adults and as kids the quiet made it feel like you had very little privacy. This is part of the reason I want more than two kids. 
4. A cozy place to curl up. Seating, blankets, conversation areas etc. I may hate the furniture at my in laws house but you definitely feel comfortable settling in. My family’s house is more modern and the furniture isn’t very cozy. Combined with lack of noise and light and people... well... 
5. Family photos. I used to hate the idea of photos up but I think that’s because my family never did. It makes my husband’s house feel like kids lived there. 
6. Snacks and drinks. You’d have to dig to find something to eat at my parents house. They are super healthy and not big snackers , so unless you want to cook something you aren’t going to find anything easy. There is something welcoming about making your house seem like it was ready for you... complete with stocked pantry. Otherwise it can feel like you are intruding. 
7. Family traditions. My house may feel like a dark museum compared to my husband’s house but we did have fun traditions  around holidays and ate dinner together a lot. We have a ton of memories camping and hiking. They just weren’t big on inside activities. No cozy nights in reading or playing games or movie nights.  We also had an awesome yard to play in. This is probably why I get along with my parents (and see them often!) despite having little interest in visiting home.

This makes my family sound terrible. They aren’t terrible and are great grand parents but they aren’t big on “community” and you feel it at their house. It’s more fun to meet them at a park or on a trail.  I suppose it’s more of an intellectual relationship vs a loving one? I don’t want that for my kids - I want the home and the active memories. It’s a huge part of how I parent them and the type of home we want to create. Warm, light, comfortable, fun, and welcoming. 
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