Reply to My in-laws refuse to speak English in my present

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To those who are saying it is wrong to ask the in-laws to speak a common language- are you serious?! What is op expected to do- just sit there and be ignored the whole time?! What a ridiculous concept. I would start implementing a rule that if a common language is not used then the op's presence isn't wanted or needed so she simply won't be around them. And any children are an extention of her. [/quote]
So when you marry into a family, you now have the right to tell them that in their home, in their family they now have to speak their second language or whatever common language just to accommodate you? And you want to lay down the law about it.
"Honey, I know that your 80 yr old parents and 25 cousins are all native Farsi speakers and that is you all primarily communicate in this PRE-EXISTING family, but there is a new sheriff in town and I say their comfort be damned, you speak MY language or I am taking all my marbles( honey you are the marbles) home !" 
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NP. This is being overly dramatic.  The in-laws generally aren't 80.  Mine were early 50's and have worked for the past 30 years in a company speaking English daily.  It's not about a new sheriff being in town.  I never expected my in-laws to only speak English, I understand it's their native language and what they are use to but yes I did expect a little bit of English because when I was first married I wanted to get to know them.  Also when they pointed at me and spoke it made me uncomfortable, when they stood in front of me looking me up and down speaking in another language and then all laughed yes I was uncomfortable.

What was their attitude - I was the minority in their family and I should adapt.  Yes said in those words.  This pre-existing family can sometimes be so scared of losing their cultural identity they are rude and obnoxious to outsiders.  I didn't know this until I was married.  And yes I even asked for my MIL's recipes to show an interest in her culture, I am still waiting for those and yes I shared my recipes.  Thanking her for dinner if she cooked was left with her and SIL laughing at me and speaking in their language about me whilst DH was out of the room, I still to this day don't know what is so funny about thanking her for dinner and telling her that the meal was lovely. She never replied to me in English after I thanked her and this happened on more than one occasion.  Lost marbles I would say that rests solely with the family.

Not speaking a language can be used to exclude, language can be used as a weapon to be nasty.  You have obviously never dealt with this.[/quote]

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