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[quote=Anonymous]I haven't read through all the replies.  My in-laws are Turkish however can speak English.  They wouldn't speak English in my presence either in their own home or out for dinner.  I did ask DH to ask them to speak more English so I could get to know them. They refused. I tried to learn their language but with my own studies and work and no help from DH I lost interest.

20 years on and I would say we still have a superficial relationship. I don't really know them.

In my situation it was part of a wider issue of non acceptance. MY MIL made it blatantly clear that I wasn't welcome in her family.  Language was used as one more tool to exclude me.  That was also one of the reasons I lost interest in learning the language.

As the years went on as it was such an issue we naturally stopped having dinner with them, stopped having vacations with them, DH just visits them on their own once in a while and I see them a handful of times a year.  It worked for us.  We don't have kids though.

Now I find my MIL speaks English in my presence and has done so for the last few years.  I am polite to her but that's it.  I don't have any advice for OP but to say it's a balance.

I did recognise that it's natural for them to speak their native language and I was accepting of this however people don't know what it is like to sit for two hours at dinner and literally have nothing to do.  If I got my phone out or tried to read a book, I was rude, if I was bland faced because I was bored, I was unhappy what was wrong with me, if I smiled why is she smiling like a maniac.  It was so awful.

Op make your marriage strong and try to let go of the in-laws.  Do the minimum to get by and that's it.  Make your family with other people.  These people won't be your family.  Whatever you do don't argue with your husband over them, they like to divide and conquer, just accept the situation and concentrate on your marriage.[/quote]

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