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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this is a combination of you being a bit of a bridezilla (or just an event-zilla) and your MIL being odd/having issues.  Some of what you wrote makes me think there's also something going on like alcoholism or anxiety or just having a hard time adjusting -- not attending the 30th birthday party, and wanting her friend to be in the bridal suite, suggest she's having issues coping.

Also I think that you have too many expectations for what a MIL "should" do.  Some of the stuff you listed is just not sharing a frame of reference -- why should she know that cancellations to venues are rare?  If you're going to consult her on small planning details, then you need to be prepared for her to participate, and not be annoyed if she doesn't participate in the exact way you want.  I think you should probably just stop consulting her on small issues.  If you want to be inclusive, just update her every once and a while about big decisions you've made, and stop micromanaging her responses to you.

You're trying to prove something by involving her to the degree you are, and you're failing to understand her responses indicate that she's anxious about the wedding, and not interested/as clue-d in about planning as you are. [/quote]

This is such good feedback. Thank you so much! [b]We do suspect alcoholism and general anxiety/coping issues. [/b]FWIW, I agreed to have her friend in the bridal suite because I sensed that would make her more comfortable. I can definitely get micromanage-y at times and I think you're advise is spot-on;[b] I'm trying to micromanage her responses.[/b][/quote]Yes that's the vibe I'm getting - especially the "day drinking" comment.  Okay, OP I have two things to say:
1) Your future  MIL is probably hiding a lot of anxiety and possibly drinking issues.  There's not a lot you can do about that other than, as you said, let her have her friend in the bridal suite.  FWIW I remember that my wedding planning revealed the first sign that my mom had a drinking problem.  We were thinking of not having alcohol and she freaked out on me and called me selfish and suggested that my future MIL would need a belt.  The reality is that the wedding was scaring her and she was afraid to be without alcohol.  Not saying that your future MIL has a drinking problem as much as I am saying that a lot of people have personal crippling anxiety and they do everything they can to hide it.  Once you realize that is what may be going on, it makes it easier to understand.
2)You're are trying way too hard to be the ideal daughter-in-law and you're getting pissed off that she isn't acknowledging what a great DIL you are.  You want her to be grateful that you're trying so hard to include her but she is dealing with her own problems and is not playing the role you want her to play.  Take responsibility for your part in this and let her be who she is.  I know she's odd but you're lucky that she's not in there trying to run everything!  Take some deep breaths.  Stop trying to make everyone play the perfect role and make you look perfect.

That said, I think you're great to want to include her.  Good luck with wedding planning.  It can be a source of great anxiety.  Been there Done that.  Have fun![/quote]

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