Reply to Maternal Instinct Isn’t Real, But the Myth Makes Parenting Harder

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Eh. I think a lot of this has to do with the "independence" mantra of western child-rearing. Mammals co-sleep, cuddle, wear, etc their babies constantly. THAT is the motherly instinct and every parent is told the following:

"Youll spoil him/her if you hold him/her all the time"
"Youve got to let him/her self-soothe"
"Let them figure it out themselves"
"Dont make a rod for your own back"

So when social and cultural "norms" clash with what is biologically normal, moms cant listen to their instincts because they are told they are wrong. [/quote]

Mammals dont feed and cuddle their babies constantly. On the contrary, they leave them unattended for long stretches of time to hunt in order for mother to eat and survive and feed her young. Am all for maternal instinct, but lets not make up stupid falsehoods about animals to make a point. [/quote]

Well, specifically primates do- I should have been more clear. And we arent out having to hunt for our food so whats your reason for leaving babies unattended?

[url]https://www.apa.org/monitor/sep07/teaching[/url]

"One of her central observations came from the tamarins who had rejected their offspring: Good parents are made, not born. Tamarins learn to parent by observing their own parents care for young siblings and by babysitting new additions to the family. Without this crucial early experience, parenting ability is seriously impaired, she says.

"So when a client comes in and says, 'Oh, my God, I have no maternal instinct,'" my answer is, 'Well, nobody does,'" Smith says. The up side of this picture, of course, is that both men and women can learn to be better parents. Indeed, in tamarin families and a few other monkey species, males babysit from an early age and provide as much or even more of the child care than females, she notes.

Single parenthood is another arena where knowledge about our nonhuman primate cousins can prove useful, Smith says. While many simian moms are single parents-that is, they don't have a mate-many species live in groups where they get lots of help from female relatives, and occasionally from adult males as well. When single mothers tell Smith they feel overwhelmed, she'll say, "'Absolutely-it's not the primate way to raise a child in isolation from others,'" she says. "I really try to normalize their experience and help them figure out how to reach out for support from others."

Simian behavior has something to say about modern day-care and babysitting practices as well, Smith believes.

For instance, many nonhuman primates rely on babysitters, but they're picky about who they let do it, Smith says. Sitters must either be kin-and therefore invested in the survival of the infant-or subordinates who recognize that the mother is in charge. Mom is never out of her infant's earshot, either: "When the baby cries, the mother immediately takes over," Smith says. Moreover, the simian world has no equivalent of human day care where someone besides the mother watches a large group of youngsters, Smith say"

and

""Unlike most parents in the United States today, wild monkey mothers have the luxury of being able to feed on demand, carry their babies all the time, sleep with their babies and be responsive rather than doting," says Smith. All of this lays a foundation of attachment and trust that lasts a lifetime, she has observed: "As primate mothers show, when you respond quickly to your baby in the first few months, you can't spoil it!" she says."

Also

"Not long into her doctoral studies, a professor asked her to take home three cotton-top tamarin triplets to observe and care for as part of a research study. Over time, she adopted other tamarins who were no longer needed for research, and a life path was born.

Three years after bringing the first infants home, her charges started to have babies. And when they did, Smith faced a disturbing reality.

"I'd hear these bloodcurdling screams in the middle of the night, and there were the parents, careering around the cages, terrified, with their babies on their backs," she recalls. "They were doing everything they could to dislodge the [babies]-biting them and trying to fling them off." In essence, because Smith had parented the original tamarins, they hadn't grown up in a normal family group and therefore lacked a template with which to raise their young, she explains."

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