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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My in-laws moved near us.  My DH had previously ‘managed’ boundaries simply by being a very long drive away.

That your in-laws announced the move without ever consulting DH and you — as did mine — is evidence that they aren’t attuned to boundaries.

I had to push my DH to get better at managing boundaries directly.

It was rough for a bit, and is still a little bumpy a few years later.

It will be better if your in-laws are rational, reasonably normal people.  Mine are not.[/quote]

You sound deranged. In-laws don’t need to get permission from anyone to move to your town.[/quote]

Of course they don’t need permission to move somewhere.  But people with normal social skills don’t show up a party where they are not invited.

When the parents are moving closer simply to because the adult child is there and they don’t even stop to consider the child’s perspective, there is clearly a problem:
— they fail to see their child as an adult with a separate life
— they have a lot of expectation of fulfillment from being involved with this young family
— they have nothing else to do; they are letting go all their friends and activities solely be near a kid’s family

It’s a set-up for a big clash of expectations and autonomy.

It’s a very different than a family with healthy dynamics wanting to live near each other.[/quote]

Thank you for understanding. A lot of people in this forum have no idea what it feels like. They have no boundaries, no respect for our wishes, and the MIL is very judgmental. I honestly fear we may get a divorce because of this. We are young in our relationship, it's only been a few years. The in laws don't have any other grandkids and are literally moving for us...no friends in the area. Nothing. That's a lot of pressure. My husband is great but hates disappointing them. MIL is manipulative and give him unfair ultimatums. They are also very religious and judgemental -like told me doing Yoga was praying to the devil. So much negativity and awkwardness when we are together. They are oblivious to it all.

I know I can't tell them not to move, it is just selfish and unfair to follow your kid across multiple states without even a conversation. I think that would have been more respectful. They just surprised us and said, only when I asked, that they are coming to town to look for houses this weekend. We were both blindsided. 
[/quote]

Are you sure they haven't had a conversation with your husband about this?  Sounds like they might have. and he gave the OK.  [/quote]

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