Reply to s/o Why so much delusion by parents of adult kids around "big happy family get togethers"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Why do the vacations always revolve around what the older parents want?[/quote]

Pay your way. In fact, maybe pay more. Take the lead. Do the paying and then you get to do the inviting. Money = power. [b]When adult children rely on their parents for vacations,[/b] the adult children have given up the power. And they'v given up receiving their parent's respect --- respect for them as equal adults, respect for their time, respect for their preferences as to how to spend their time.[/quote]

Big assumption on your part.  My MIL/FIL travel all over the world.  Their idea of family vacation is cramming everyone into one of those big, poorly built beach houses.  They dictate what we do, because that is how they have always been.  Not exactly a happy couple, but the grown children attend out of obligation. It has never been the adult children's only vacation.  In fact, most of the adult children have limited time off, and would much rather go anywhere else - but they go, because they think they should do the right thing.  Sometimes people make it really, really, really, really hard for you to do the right thing, that's all.

If they were to cut out of their many worldwide trips, they could take the grandchildren somewhere pleasant, but they don't want to, and that is fine, they know we will take them.  Besides, the grandchildren probably would not want to go with the grandparents, because the grandchildren have limited time also.  In addition, the grandchildren know that the grandparents live down the street and only bother with one set of grandchildren (not them).  It is obvious, it is hurtful, and it comes from a hard, cold, hateful heart. Point being, pretending to be one big happy family for bragging rights won't work, because there is too much history, and the children know what is going on, they make up their own mind from a young age.  Kids aren't stupid.

It is difficult for me, coming from a large and truly close family who actually liked each other, who saw each other and spent time together, one way or another, all the time.  We didn't have a lot, but we always had and have each other, and you can't buy that. [/quote]

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