Reply to My teen refuses to live with her mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He thinks the mom living 10 miles away is a complication   [i]Where did I say this? But in terms of school commuting, it is a little bit. [/i]
He does not want 100% custody so he can date.   [i]No, I don't want 100% custody because my STBX and I agreed that the kids should spend 50% of the time with each parent. This was a mutual agreement, not something a court ordered. The challenge is my daughter won't agree to it.[/i]
He wants to leave a 17 yo girl home alone when he travels. [i]No, I was just asking what to do if she refuses to be with her mother. Work travel isn't by choice -- it's a logistical issue. So sounds like I will arrange for her to stay with friends.[/i]
He wants to have sleep overs with girlfiends when his daughter is there. [i]I don't understand these people who insist I cannot have a life.[/i]
He wants to cut child support. [i]Yes, but only because my oldest daughter is going to live with me 100% of the time. It isn't some random desire to cheat my kids out of any money.[/i]
He doesn't make his daughter go to her mom's even though there is 50/50 custody. [i]Do you have teenagers? How do you "make" a teenager do something like this she doesn't want to do. Why would it be good for my daughter to MAKE her spend time with her mother, who she detests? I have her in intensive therapy now in the hopes that she can make progress to repairing her relationship with her mother, but I cannot force that to happen. I have strongly ENCOURAGED her to do this and the impact has been to have DD become furious with me and announce I'm not being supportive of her. But I completely resent your assertion that I'm somehow failing to "make" her to this.  Not to mention the inherent contradiction in your litany of bizarre takeaways from my post -- so I simultaneously don't want 100% custody so I can date but I'm also at fault for not MAKING my daughter spend half her time with her mother? Come on, pick a complaint already.[/i][/quote]

OP, I don't think you've internalized that your wife has a ***legal right*** to time with your daughter.  You're just assuming that because she doesn't want to go to her moms, that you can back her up on that.  I believe what you're saying about your daughter refusing to go to her mothers, but you are going to be in breach of your custody agreement if you don't take this up WITH YOUR EX.  This is between you and your ex now -- you guys jointly need to decide on the new custody arrangement (including work overnights) in light of your daughter's situation.  Maybe your ex will agree to informally let her stay with you 100% of the time for now ... but this is something you have to agree on with your ex. Because despite your daughter's position, your ex still has parental rights.  [/quote]

I don't think that there is a formal agreement on anything. The OP specifically said that he might not pursue divorce so that his ex doesn't have to pay more for health care. It sounds to me that this is more informal arrangement. I have difficulty believing that a Judge would tell a 17 year old that they have to spend time with someone that they do not want to, in this case the Mom. There is an age that the kids are included in the decision and 17 is old enough that the Judge would ask the daughter. It sounds like the 14 year old is willing to try to live with Mom half the time but she doesn't seem to thrilled with the idea. The 17 year has flat out rejected the idea.

That is my read on it, there is no formal agreement.

OP: You would be in a better place if just ignored the people that you don't agree with or at least don't respond in such a dickish manner.[/quote]

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