Reply to Husband said I was a monster last night

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a different take on this.   He's upset and your focus is "make me feel better" and "I'm going to guilt you by crying".  The whole "can't be himself around you" makes it sound like he constantly has to walk on eggshells around you because you're so fragile and he's constantly having to pick you up and make you feel better.  And he never gets to talk about his real feelings.  It's an exhausting way to live.  [/quote]

+1[/quote]

OP here. I see your point and picked up on that too. However the name calling and aggression is NOT the way to communicate. I feel really sad and guilty that he feels that he cannot be himself around me. I implored him to tell me this morning but he shut me out, wanting instead to villanize me.

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[b]Do you think the conversation you described above was you “imploring” him to tell you what’s wrong?[/b][/quote]

It sounded to me like you (OP) expected him to apologize or were demanding for him to speak to tell him he was wrong about his feelings.  If that was you definition of implore you aren’t being honest about your contribution to the unhealthy dynamic.  In the book “7 habits of Highly Effective People” there is advice to [i]Seek first to understand, then to be understood[/i].  If you were doing that you would  start with admitting that you didn’t hear him out and got caught up in your own fears.  You want to understand why does he feel that way.  Then listen without defending yourself or reacting.  You almost need to separate yourself and focus 100% on what the person is saying.   Later on when you are away from the situation you can analyze what it means, if you want to change anything etc., but in that moment, be in the moment and listen.

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