Reply to Teachers - can you tell which kids come from wealthy families and which don't?

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[quote=Anonymous]School counselor here. Teachers may or may not notice, but we don't think much about it unless there's a sense of entitlement (the kid doesn't pick up after himself) or complete neglect or total outsourcing to nannies by the parents. And even then, if the nanny is loving and the kid is cared for, we just carry on. It's more of a point to take into consideration when contacting home. As a counselor, I can tell you though that kids themselves are acutely aware of the haves and have nots, but it's the have nots who really feel it. Rich kids don't stop before inviting their friends on a trip to the mall to wonder, "would so and so feel uncomfortable and rather come over to watch TV because it doesn't cost money?" It's just not on their radar and they don't have that sensitivity. But over time, the kid who can't afford to go to the mall for a manicure, movie and dinner is going to drift to different social groups, or they're going to stop getting invited by the richer kids because they always seem to say no. So parents, here's my PSA: if your kid is a "have," raise them to think about how these little things might impact their friends who have less. A kid doesn't have to be downright poor to be unable to do a lot of things that upper middle class kids absolutely take for granted. I also notice this around sweet 16s and big parties--make these parties for your kids "no gift parties" if you truly want everyone to feel comfortable coming. Or do something like a book swap. Everyone is so used to thinking about sensitivity when it comes to things like race, but we totally drop the ball when it comes to socioeconomic status. Also, as a counselor who has been the one who stuffs those backpacks and distributes Giant gift cards at the holidays and makes sure kids have waterproof boots for outdoor education trips and gets families waivers on field trips because they have too much money to qualify for reduced meals but not enough to pay for that Smithsonian trip, I can tell you that teachers generally don't know as much as you'd think. I don't share that info if I even have it myself, and teachers never ask me. They're really not going to pry unless they have a concern about safety, hygiene, abuse or neglect. Your biggest concern should be the interactions with other kids not teachers.[/quote]

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