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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone thinks it is axiomatic that the kids are going to be "happy" if hostile, fighting parents divorce. I disagree. My parents had a very toxic relationship - cheating, shouting, throwing things, hitting each other - and I was still miserable and traumatized for years after the divorce. Not least because my mom never sought therapy, she just remained this barely repressed volcano of rage for the whole rest of her life.[/quote]

I'm not sure of anything.  That's why I find it so frustrating that everyone else, on both sides, is so sure.  I suspect, unfortunately, that it depends.  And I also suspect that the most toxic marriages are unlikely to end in mature, mindful, and deliberate divorces that unequivocally support the needs of the kids.

I'm an imperfect person.  I have an imperfect marriage.  I'm trying my best to improve it.  If I get to the point of concluding that I just can't do that, I'll try my best to work with my wife to end the marriage in the most thoughtful way.  But I imagine we'd be imperfect at that too.  And whatever the result, whether it's my imperfect marriage or an imperfect divorce, I imagine some judgmental person with all the answers on the internet will conclude I'm a terrible person.[/quote]

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