Reply to MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about?  For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time?  Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter?  Do they follow a religion different from yours?  Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???[/quote]

I can’t think of any tradition honestly.

Sorry I misspelled champagne!

To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself:))

Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.[/quote]

Ugh.  That would drive me bonkers.  However, maybe she just wants to feel included.  I know that cooking together is a kind of bonding that has gone on in my family for generations before and after coming to the US.  Maybe there is something simple you make with her?  Maybe say something along the lines of "I'd like to start a tradition with you ...."  It doesn't have to be cooking.  Maybe its something she and the grandkids could do.  Good luck.[/quote]  Forgot to add an idea that may inspire you:  when my great grandma got too old to help with meal prep, she and I would fold napkins when I was little.[/quote]

I think it is up to OP's DH and his mother to continue traditions if they are so important. OP doesn't need to herself, and it seems like MIL won't appreciate OP's participation in any case.[/quote]

[b]Depends on whether OP wants to forge any bonds with her MIL.[/b]  If OP reaches out and MIL firmly rejects, then so be it.  DH can handle his mother.

[b]People these days seem hell bent on drawing lines everywhere (your bank account, my bank account; your retirement funds, my retirement funds; your family, my family).  The personal plural possessive adjective OURS almost seems anachronistic[/b].[/quote]

+1  PP  You're all family, OP.  She is part of the family you chose when you chose her son.  It seems disingenuous to be so contrary and inhospitable to her.  Find out what she wants, forgive her if she forgets and have a back-up.  [b]After all, she raised the man you married and now both of you love him. [/b] Find a little generosity of spirit for her.[/quote]

Yes, that's true - but does he have any responsibility here?   How about *he* show some generosity of spirit?

There are a couple of things we did growing up that I *hated* about holidays.  So, we changed them.  My mother clearly disapproves, but it's my house.  I take the hear for it, and don't throw  my wife under the bus.  Sounds like OP's DH should do the same.

- Man[/quote]

:roll:

By all means, if DH doesn't like it, he can speak up, but even if DH likes what OP is doing, there is no harm at OP making an attempt to build a relationship with MIL.  If MIL is uninterested, so be it.  So far, it only sounds like OP has taken the my-way-or-the-highway attitude.  God help the DH if he tells OP he actually likes what his mother is suggesting.  My guess is that we don't hear about DH's involvement because OP either ignores her DH's opinions so he gives up saying anything -OR- DH doesn't really care one way or the other, and so the issue really is between OP and the MIL.  If DH agrees with OP, then yes by all means he should say something to his MIL.  If he agrees with his mother, he should tell OP and prepare for a divorce.   :twisted: [/quote]

Again, some more, if you talk to me privately and kindly about whether I will consider incorporating X or Y into holidays in my home, and offering to help make it happen, my answer is going to be yes. That's how most reasonable people will respond.

If you show up to the home I have cleaned for you and eat the food I have purchased and arranged for you and say not a word of thanks and instead complain, complain, complain? Then yes, that is where it WILL be my-way-or-the-highway.

Come to me with respect and kindness, you will get respect and kindness. Come to me--in my own home--with rudeness and hostility? I'm above you, so I'll remain cordial to a point, but you won't get what you want. Try asking nicely next time. [/quote]

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