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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a MW who had an affair. I did it because there were gaps in my marriage that weren't being addressed and I figured I could find someone to fill in those gaps. So I moved forward on it, thinking that my H would never find out (we lived in separate cities at this time) and this was also before kids.

It was the most horrible, most selfish choice I ever made. It was wrong on so many levels. Not only did I obviously disrespect my husband and marriage, I disrespected myself. Any  personal integrity I had went out the window. You say the other man is an adult, makes his own choices. I told myself that too. But here's the thing...you are entitled to your own happiness. But not at someone else's expense. And with an affair, you are pursuing "happiness" at the expense of your family and the other man's family, whether they know about it or not. Because the mental energy you will spend on this other man will take away focus from your husband, your family. Time you spend with other man will be time not spent with family. Time the other man spends with you is time he's not with his family. Etc.

It seems like you've already decided, and as I know from my experience, no one could've talked me out of what I did once I decided. I had to learn some hard lessons with a lot of pain to myself and others. I eventually told my H what I did and understandably it was not a positive experience. Actually the worst day of my life. I did a lot of self-reflection to find out why I thought what I did was okay, why I thought disrespecting the one person who had my back was okay. My H and I worked through our issues, I was incredibly fortunate that he was willing to give me a second chance. I am thankful every day for all the things I currently have in my life, because I almost lost it all due to my own selfishness.

You will do what you are going to do. I guess I would just say to fully understand and accept all the possible outcomes before taking that step...an affair is something that cannot be undone. Good luck.[/quote]

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