Reply to He's in a relationship...so what's his intention when he flirts?

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Reply to "He's in a relationship...so what's his intention when he flirts?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]

I’m surprised that you’re so naive at 34, but maybe you’v lead a very sheltered life.[/quote]

I'm definitely bit sheltered, but more than that, I don't like to assume anything. I'm one of these people you have to spell things out for. I thought he was [i]probably[/i] flirting, and [i]probably[/i] attracted to me, but this guy is GOOD. Everything thing he does is right on that edge where it is plausibly deniable. Like, pointing at the clipboard. Yes, he was in my personal space but maybe he was just pointing at the text, you know what I mean?

There is nothing direct and specific for me to respond to, and he never says in words what he is thinking, other than saying he enjoys my company and things like that. I suppose I wouldn't want to say something more direct and have him deny that he mean anything all along.[/quote]

Spelling it out for you: he’s an asshole. Avoid him like the Zika virus. If he persists, tell him to eff off. If that doesn’t work, complain to HR. The longer you leave this, the harder it will be for you, especially if others have noticed this flirting.[/quote]

Are you really that sheltered?  Did you go out in college and in your 20’s?  Look, it’s like the guy at the club that says “so, will your boyfriend beat me up if he sees me talking to you”. They aren’t actually putting themselves out there so you can’t technically reject him.  Those guys might have had girlfriends but by putting the attention on your relationship status, you might assume that they were single. You wonder if that cheesy non pickup line works, but apparently it’s a numbers game and all they need is one person out of the many women they meet that night to take them up on it and it’s a victory.  And women that aren’t interested will either lie and say they have a boyfriend or have to suddenly go catch up with their friend and that’s the subtle signal back.

So OP, you  turn the conversation back to his girlfriend if he compliments you to signal, stop the bs, you have a girlfriend.  You step away and give the non verbal cues for him to give you space, like he moves over your shoulder, you move your chair so he has space or ask him pull up the chair instead.  If you’ve given a non verbal cue that he is not getting, then go direct and say, I need more personal space when I am working, it’s uncomfortable having someone over my shoulder.  Basically, treat the situation as you would for a guy you either aren’t attracted to or that you wouldn’t want either him or other people to get the wrong idea about the two of you.[/quote]

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