Reply to Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I suspect that you either aren't very experienced with your kids yet (are they very young?) or you are living in a fantasy world.  I wonder what you mean by "I am a single dad".  Are you actually the parent with the majority of custody? [b][It is 50/50. Kids are in middle school.][/b]

You will be very fortunate indeed if your kids are ones who launch on time at 18 (to college) and 22 (forever) without ever experiencing a major life trauma or set back that sucks you in.  [b][Not fortune. It's called "planning".][/b]

And while sure, your partner "doesn't have to worry about" getting on the phone or email and scheduling the Xmas or Thxgiving visit, she DOES have to worry about having the extra people in her home or visiting them in theirs or being apart from you for x amount of time or yadda yadda yadda. [b] [There's nothing to "worry about". There's nothing for her to do. In particular, if we're talking about college kids returning for holidays, they don't need to be waited on.][/b]

It's a very rare marriage where you can isolate the impacts your children's presence in your life from affecting your spouse.  Are you going to make absolutely sure you handle all the shopping, the cleaning, the laundry, the gift shopping, etc. etc. if your kids come visit you?  [b][Yes. Proof:[i] I do that now[/i], for younger kids.][/b]

Going to help navigate your nippy dog and your toddler grandkid?  Going to go visit your newborn grandchild if your partner doesn't feel like travelling? [b][Are you seriously asking me, a grown man, if I am capable of traveling by myself? WTF. I pity you if your DH needs that kind of hand-holding. Do you really book his tickets and hotel and pack his suitcase for him?][/b]

Or reciprocate by travelling when they've done the last four visits?  [b][Again, you're asking me if I am capable of traveling? Why?][/b] And on and on.  I remember my left his second wife at home with a new born and two other kids with chicken pox to attend my college graduation and drive me back to our home state.   She STILL talks about how traumatizing that was and it was 25 years ago!  [b][A bad situation, to be sure. It is obvious that he should have arranged some help for his wife before he left.][/b]

Kids are a lifetime commitment.  If you're lucky you get them launched and you don't have to take care of them forever.  But sometimes life doesn't work out the way you plan or hope.  A new marriage partner has got to be realistic that even if you have the best of intentions, the existence of your children and their families WILL affect her.  In ways that can be unforeseen, unpredictable, and sometimes not pleasant.  Unless you guys are selfish @holes of course, then you can just blow off your kids and their problems at a certain age and not worry about them anymore.  [b][The fact is this: I am their parent. When they are in my house, I am 100% responsible for them. I take care of them very well right now. I don't need a new wife to act as surrogate mom for them. Any "effects" that children have will primarily be on me, not on the woman in my life. I do not intend to marry or cohabit before the kids are off to college. That is what is, in my view, best for the kids. If I marry or cohabit after that, and for some reason the kids are back, even if just for the holidays, they will be my problem, not hers, just as they are now.][/b]

Hope your new wife is on board with changing your diapers someday since the kids won't be around anymore in that scenario. [b][Oy vey, there's this incessant line of bullshit on DCUM about women taking care of men in their dotage. I don't believe that actually happens, and believe me, finding some woman to change my diapers is emphatically [i]not [/i]my own elder care plan. I am certainly going to outsource that function.][/b]

You get out what you put in. [/quote][/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics