Reply to How to deal with family member who has been accused of sexual abuse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like the victim is someone you are not close to -- maybe do not even know -- but the guy is someone your husband is friendly with, and your husband is not sure if the guy did it or not.

It might be useful for your husband to ask the guy what happened (unless the guy has already made his side of the story clear). Once your husband has all the info he can get, he needs to decide whether to continue the friendship as is, cool it a little, or totally avoid the guy.

I think any of those responses would be OK, depending on the level of doubt, the friend's regret (if there is no doubt), and how the friend acts going forward. It's healthy for you and your husband to discuss this decision making, but you have to trust your husband to make the right decision for his situation. (And he has to do the same for you, and respect your decision if you no longer want to be around this guy.)

I say this because even if the guy did it, we are not defined by our few worst actions, we are defined by the sum of what we do. People deserve the chance to learn from their mistakes and make amends in whatever way they can. Sometimes friends can even help them do that. [/quote]

Um, no, not in the case of sexual abuse.  Nope.  SA is not some "mistake" people learn from.  It is a horrific, horrific crime.  If the man who is the abuser wants to "learn from his mistakes" he can go to the police, tell them what he did, come clean and go to jail.  Simple as that.  WTF people?????Come on.  No wonder SA goes on and on and on and on.  No wonder so many women have been abused (and men).  We enable it through shit like this.  [/quote]

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