Reply to SIL told me I’m breaking her family up

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[quote=Anonymous]I think people who are saying that DH should just never have contacts with his family again don't understand complicated family dynamics.

When you grow up in a family that is dysfunctional, your normal is dysfunctional and the dynamics form and bond in many unhealthy ways. Once out on your own it can take years and years and it needs to be that person who comes to a point of setting boundaries or cutting contact or figuring out how to related in a healthy way. Not a spouse who says you are never to see your family again. Any spouse who requires their DH/ DW to cut off all contact with their family is pretty controlling and self centered. The them or me ultimatum just builds resentment. You have to figure out how to detach in a way that doesn't' just leave you with guilt and shame and pain.

What OP can decide is that she is not going to these events. She can set that boundary for herself.

And I would say the same if it was Ops parent or sibling who wasn't nice to her DH. He should not demand or give an ultimatum that she cut off all contact or else she doesn't' love him / isn't' committed to them.

Getting married doesn't someone mean you no longer have a family of origin. I don't really understand, the 'this is your family now' as though it is one or the other. That sounds so controlling to me. [/quote]

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