Reply to I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids.

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here - some people have kids at 23 and are very happy; some are miserable. Same goes for 33 and, hell, even 43.

I will say, however, that I find the "I want to know my grandkids" argument to be kind of overinflated here. I mean yes, getting to know my grandkids late in life sounds fun and I hope I'm around for their childhood. I guess that's an argument in favor of 33 (if me plus my kid had a kid at 33, I'd be a 66 year old new grandparent) instead of 43 (86).

But I find it very strange to plan your ENTIRE LIFE around the hope of a relationship with your adult grandchildren in your 80s. I mean, are 20 year olds seriously spending that much time with their grandparents? In my experience, even in the best relationships, they're doing maybe a phone call a week and a handful of visits per year. I understand that it will be sad someday to die and leave my grandchildren behind, but I'm not sure it's less sad if they are 25 when that happens versus if they are 15. I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice, it just seems to be really overvalued?

If I end up living long enough to know my grandchildren into their 20s and 30s, then what a blessing that is. But I don't feel like it is so important that I should base life decisions in the prime of my life on the possibility. I care a lot more about being there for my kids until they are fully settled into adulthood, but after that the rest is just a cherry on top. I personally prioritize things like being financially stable when I have young children, having career flexibility, etc. over that.

That's not to say that I advocate for waiting forever - on the other end of childrearing, I want them out of the house while I'm still young enough to enjoy myself. But my point is more in response to the oddly high posts about knowing your grandchildren for a long time. That's not a guarantee and so risky to base your whole life around IMO. [/quote]

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