Reply to Being a teen class clown is getting very dangerous in school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this.  If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP  said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do.  Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors.  You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD?  If not, it may be time to pursue that option.  If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks.  Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.  [/quote]

I agree with working with the therapist and doctor but wouldn't expect much help from the counselor. It's just not really part of what they do at these ages, IME, unless you are looking for some sort of accommodation to help him restrain himself.

Also, I think people are reacting so negatively because it seems like you are framing the problem in terms of what the teacher has done (claimed sexual harassment) and aren't sure you agree with the school about what's offensive, actually. You'll get more supportive feedback if you speak directly: Your son has been making offensive, inappropriate comments in class of an increasingly sexual nature (?) And it needs to stop.

Here's the thing: There is a difference between saying he has trouble controlling himself and saying he is not responsible. While I totally agree with medicating and not just punishing to make yourself feel better, it is also important to help your son connect the dots between his own actions and the natural consequences of those actions, in order to develop deeper empathy and understanding. Has he apologized to the girl he harassed? To the teacher? He can do it in writing when he has time to reflect and doesn't have an audience to impress. Empathy and understanding are not quick fixes, but are needed if he is to take responsibility and figure out the best ways to restrain himself.

That might mean taking his meds as prescribed, or noticing when he is fatigued and taking a break, or practicing whatever exercises his therapist prescribes. But HE is the one who is going to have to solve this problem. Sort of like taking meds doesn't get a kid's homework done unless they want to do it in the first place. But here the stakes are higher; and it's not only his own well-being at stake. [/quote]

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