Reply to When should we listen to those small, nagging doubts?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 2nd generation. I was a high performing kid at a low performing school, and now my child is the same. I ended up earning a Ph.D. from a top 5 program in my field. From the perspective of knowing a very diverse group of high achieving, highly educated adults, yes schools with a high percentage of poor kids have challenges, but I think parents underestimate the issues kids face when they grow up in a high-pressure academic environment. The most brilliant person in my grad school cohort when to Oakland Public Schools and then Berkeley and he could crack some beers, sit down at his computer, and write something amazing. So many of the other people in our cohort had elite educations and were total headcases with terrible self-esteem, unable to do work because they were so afraid the work wouldn't be good enough and that would mean they weren't good enough.  Those of us who got knocked down in public schools (literally sometimes) had practice getting back up.

For my kid, I do plan to supplement math, but otherwise, I'm happy with her experience so far. She's really good with people, happy, has friends. Compared to other highly educated parents at her school, I tend to be more willing to let her pick out clothes that are like those worn by the majority of her classmates, let her have treats and tchotchkes that are the popular thing, and go the places that are popular with her classmates-and I think all of that helps with her social experience at the school.[/quote]

I think you make a brilliant point, that a lot of the anxiety is social and cultural. That's often class more than race-based as well. Will adopting the cultural habits of low SES kids whose families don't care if they succeed academically lead your kid to act like them, and suppress ambition? Or will they learn a lot more about life and managing themselves that way? It can definitely be bad on the other side too, kids can suffer from extreme pressure to achieve and low self esteem like those you mention. I am much more personally familiar with those traps and want to help my kids avoid them. It probably depends on the particular kid's personality as well, which means you have to know their tendencies well and try to provide them with an environment that will best suit them. That's extremely hard and high pressure on parents too. I would also take seriously what the PP said about 4th grade and up being much more important academically than the earlier years. If you were able to earn a PhD even going to a low performing school, did you teach yourself a lot? I do think it has to come from somewhere and most parents would rather the school do this.[/quote]

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