Reply to Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m hoping this will change with future generations but women carry he majority of emotional labor and childcare. My in-laws only ask dh how he’s doing or if he needs help. They never asked how my pregnancies went, how I was postpartum or how I am during dh’s deployments. Because dh didn’t need help or didn’t like to call, they never spoke to me. If you want to be close to your grandkids, have a good relationship with the DIL. My in-laws never spoke to me, just dh, so when he’s gone they don’t bother to ask about the kids other than to stalk me on Facebook. They’re takers. They want constant visits but never visit us. They want updates but never text me. I’m the one here with the kids while dh is gone. [/quote]
On the other hand I will see a lot of DIL’s criticizing how intrusive, nosy, judgmental their inlaws are.  There’s a post now complaining about inlaws wanting to visit when her DH is gone.  It’ must be very hard for them to carefully balance exactly what each DIL might want.[/quote]

I suppose - but MILs should at least make the effort and ask what they can do to help.  Being totally hands off, and demanding - two opposite behaviors - are detrimental to the relationship.  For example, I know a MIL who used to want something to talk about with her so called bridge friends.  Those weren't friends, but that is another story.  Point being, the MIL would exaggerate anything that MIL perceived by the DIL, such that the DIL could do no right.  The DIL wasn't stupid, and picked up on the MIL trash talking the DIL (small town) - so of course the DIL didn't want the MIL around.  Hard to blame the DIL in that example.  The MIL needs to be the more mature one, and set a good example.  If the MIL is selfish and brooding, it is not going to make the relationship with the son or the DIL progress. The MIL needs to be the bigger person, and support the individuals AND the couple, consistently.  If the DIL perceives that the MIL is not "on her side", then forget it.  It is not that complicated.[/quote]

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