Reply to Divorced BF spends weekends doing “projects” at Ex wife’s house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I believe he feels guilty for the demise of his marriage and goes over the top (in my modest opinion) buying his ex wife and daughter fancy vacations, a new pool for the house, a new car (“they need it”) etc etc. He does whatever they ask, but complains about it to me later, as if they forced him. I get it, but it bothers me as I have a much less cozy relationship with my former spouse.[/quote]

So it sounds like this really about him setting boundaries in his relationships and finding a way to deal with his guilt.   For you it sounds like it’s about not comparing it to your relationship with your former spouse.  Is this something you want to try to work out?  If so, you can’t make him stop spending money on his daughter for fancy vacations and a car etc but you can ask questions to help him reflect when he brings it up. Like why does he feel guilty, has he ever directly addressed it with his daughter, does money equal love or are there other ways to be supportive etc.  My dad felt guilty for various thing with the divorce and using money didn’t curb my youngest sister's anger and it didn’t help her transition to being an adult.  For me, I was too old to ask for money etc and everything was swept under the rung but the anger and the sense of abandonment was always there until we finally had a conversation and he sincerely apologized and said he was wrong.   That plus being there consistently and my memories of him prior to the divorce helped us move forward.

With spending more time, you just have to see if there is some compromise he can make.  You understand he wants to make sure the house his daughter is in has the needed repairs etc and to see the changes thru, but how can he do those things and still be fair in spending time with you? If he has no interest in trying to find a middle ground than you have your answer.
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