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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH let me know he’s surprising me with a very sweet and generous (non-sexual) “experience” gift that I am not at all interested in.  We talked about it previously; he suggested it and I said clearly that it is not something I want.  I told him what I want instead.  He either didn’t hear that or didn’t believe that, and now has involved friends and family to pull it off.  He is an extrovert and I am an introvert, and I think he sometimes has a hard time seeing my perspective or believing I’d rather do something solitary.  He’s been putting a lot of effort into this gift and I truly do appreciate that, but I wish he hadn’t done it. I know he was disappointed in my reaction when he told me.  I’m disappointed too, and I feel terrible that I’m not excited about it. He’s doing the thing he wants for me, not the thing I want. We’re working with limited time and funds so it’s an either/or situation. I’m not sure what to do. It’s not too late to back out, but he will be hurt and embarrassed if I decline and it would be awkward for the others involved.  So that isn’t really an option. I’m trying to focus on appreciating the gesture, but it really feels like another responsibility now, and I’m not very good at feigning excitement.  I really don’t want to do this, but backing out would be worse. Any ideas on how to change my mindset on this?  I think it’s a bad idea to mention to DH that I wish he hadn’t done it. How do I act happy about it? [/quote]

This is not a gift for you any more, now you enjoying it or making a good show of enjoying it is a gift from you for your DH. Try to see it that way. You can work on the unwanted gift thing into the future but that can be a real blind spot/difficulty for people and this one is too far gone. Do your best to get into a generous mindset and make "his" gift as good as you can. It's the best thing at this point and you can work on the listening and the validation of your point of view (which you obvs deserve and didn't get) going forward. [/quote]

OP here. Thanks for this suggestion. I was looking for a way to turn my thinking around about it and this is helpful.

Thanks to everyone for your input. I’ve typed out 2 detailed responses and lost them due to “website errors” and reloading the page, so I’ll keep this short.  I appreciate all the suggestions to be honest with DH about not wanting this gift, but he’s been really down on himself lately and he’s feeling pretty good about orchestrating this. Even if I were to say how much I appreciate the effort, which I do, if I let him know/remind him this isn’t what I want, he’ll only hear the criticism and his feelings will be hurt. (Yes, this is an issue we’re working on.) I don’t want to do that and I don’t want to take away something that he feels good about doing. And it’s not like some horrible experience I’ll have to endure - think quiet weekend at the beach with a good book vs jam packed whirlwind trip to major metropolitan city with a group. It will be more stressful for me than relaxing (the goal was to get a break/relax), but I can, and will, enjoy the time. So I’m  going to decide to enjoy this gift in the spirit it was given.

To that point, I think he had a number of motivations in choosing to do this instead of what I wanted - including that it makes him feel good and especially that it makes him look good to others. But I also think that he thinks this is what I really wanted, despite what I said, and that I just didn’t want to put anyone out or ask for it myself. I know I could view that as paternalistic and annoying, but for the sake of my marriage I’m going to choose to view it as a loving gesture. And separately from this issue, will continue to work on the listening/communication so we don’t end up here again. [/quote]

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