Reply to My theory on parental happiness and your answer to the perennial "should I have another question?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks for writing this! As someone who is about to start TTC and very anxious about the life change a baby will bring, it’s helpful![/quote]

This is what changes: everything and nothing. It is falling in love. What changed when you fell in love with your partner? Presumably, you’ve added that person to your life. That changed what your day looked like in small ways, from the minute you work up. You had to share a space, which before was empty. You had to adjust your rhythm.you may have added new activities, and possibly added new family and friends.  Your mood was likely altered often, by this person. Your heart expanded and filled with love for this other soul. But all of these thing, you were still you.

That’s having a baby.

The details of your day will change, but it will still be you. Three years ago tonight I would have been online (as I am now) goofing around and preparing for work. I would have spent Sunday talking to friends (which I did today) maybe grabbing groceries, or brunch and snuggling my husband, all things that are still typical. Now we just have three. We still snuggled, but this time it was all three of us. Instead of laying still and chatting quietly, we read books, our toddler jumped on usa and patted our bellies, gave kisses, and snuggled while asking for his book to be read again and again. Before he arrived this would have sounded kinda ick. However, it is now pure joy.

Tonight was still me, the same me as three years ago. My only fundamental change is that I now know what it is to love a child more than anyone else in the world and to be a mom. I’m a happier, and much more content me. I fell in love again, albeit a different type of love. Prior, I had known spouse love, sibling love, best friend love, first love, parent love and even work love. Mom love is just a new kind. I now have two favorite people and I get to live with them both!

Motherhood is different for us all. Different kids, different support and our own histories. But if all goes well, becoming a mom will change everything and nothing and you will have discovered a whole new kind of love. [/quote]

^^ sugarcoated lies.  having a kid (especially for a woman) is a MASSIVE change in your life, in terms of your freedom and time.  yes I adore my child and feel intense love for him, but don't be fooled into thinking having a kid is just like being childless, except with a cute fun new person!  it's not. it's a huge change in status, entry into a total institution.  [/quote]

I dunno for me PP is pretty spot on. We're all different, we all experience this world differently. [/quote]

The actual research indicates that parenting negatively impacts well-being on average.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3159916/

"it turns out that having a child can have a pretty strong negative impact on a person's happiness, according to a new study published in the journal Demography. In fact, on average, the [b]effect of a new baby on a person's life in the first year is devastatingly bad — worse than divorce, worse than unemployment and worse even than the death of a partner."
[/b]
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/?utm_term=.3c37e87f87af[/quote]

[b]this is, obviously, nonsense. [/b]it's the researchers who need to go back to the drawing board and find a better tool for measurement. [/quote]

Not sure how you came to this conclusion.  Here are many reasons why women suffer after having kids.  Some of us are luckier than others and can throw money at some of these problems.

1.  Ruins or stalls your careeer 
2.  Messes up your body 
3.  Fewer nights out with friends and husband 
4.  Breastfeeding and childbirth hurt 
5.  SLEEP 
6.  Sex life with your husband

I could go on.  Having kids sucks.  It’s why birth control was a big deal. Few women want kid after kid unless they have nothing to give up in their life for that next child.  [/quote]

few women want "a kid after kid after kid" ad infinitum but most women want at least 2 kids. in fact women want more kids than they end up having.[/quote]

Sorry about your luck. My career is exactly the same and my husband has gotten two promotions. He also provided overnight are for our child 50%  of the time, we took turns.

One kid, body looks the same

Yes, fewer nights out but I had did that for years befirenkids, I’m good

Breastfeeding and childbirth pain passed super fast.

Have a good partner. I slept a full night every other night. Kid got up every four hours, ate and went back to sleep.

Sex is the same, just different times now.

I hope you stopped at one, or that you seek some antidepressant cause you sound miserable. [/quote]

If kids didn’t impact your career or sex life then neither were great to begin with.  I feel like you’re a 160 pound back office worker in Dallas.  [/quote]

here is the thing - when you have kids your life is meaningful and you feel accomplished even as a "160 pound back office worker in Dallas". without kids you need to be a prime minister or a cancer-curing scientist to have that sort of meaning in life.[/quote]

That's completely absurd.  [/quote]

if you haven't done the most important thing your organism evolved to do you better have some huge accomplishment to show for it. [/quote]

NP. Why? We all end up dead. Do what you want, or don't want. Is having a kid a "huge accomplishment?" I have 2 and it really is not.[/quote]

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