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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a successful academic, a mom and the default parent.  BUT, being the default parent has entailed considerable sacrifices during my academic career.  I h

I think your basic framework is reasonable, but you're missing a lot of the intangible and asynchronous tasks of the default parent.  These are the things that default parents complain dominate their head space and non-default parents don't see what the big deal is.  So who will:
[b]
--chaperone field trips (our daycare started them at age 3 with chaperones required for all field trips)
--attend day care shows and parties
--cover sick days 
--cover snow days (and other weird weather closings)
--cover random unexpected daycare closings like for a national day of mourning (hello Wednesday!) or a live action shooter drill 
--earn the 20 service points that our preschool requires, from such activities as demonstrating something to the class or baking a dish for teacher appreciation day
--coordinate teacher holiday gifts and teacher appreciation week gifts[/b]
--track when your kid(s) need new shoes and clothes and buy them
--coordinate christmas and birthday gifts
--plan the kid(s) birthday parties
--coordinate attendance at other kids' birthday parties (and buy gifts for those parties)
--organize play dates (I thought I could skip this one, but my kid was suffering socially as early as preK3!!!)
--take kid(s) to the dentist
--interface with grandparents, including sending pictures as necessary
--take kid(s) to specialists like developmental pediatrician, speech therapist, etc., as necessary
--sign up for and take kid(s) to swimming lessons (I know you said you could skip extracurriculars, and we largely do, but swimming is a life skill, and it's best learned early, so hard to skip)
--take kid(s) for haircuts
--clip fingernails, put lotion on kid(s)
--sort through the school photos, order the ones you want, and send back the others
--call the health insurance to argue about a claim
--read about how to deal with a specific parenting challenge

Anyway, that's just off the top of my head things my husband and I have done in the last month or have coming up.  I do have three kids under five, and it's definitely multiplicative, so if you're only planning on one, you and your husband will have to do all this stuff, but not as often.  (Also, with such young kids, my list doesn't reflect whatever we will have to do once they're in elementary school.)

Personally, I love having kids, and I do probably 80% of the stuff listed above while working full time, so I wouldn't let this list prohibit you from having kids.  But I would use it and others you might find via google as fodder for thought (or discussion with your husband).[/quote]

Oh dear god. Lists like this make me not want to have kids at all.

The first items are absurd. There has to be a daycare somewhere that [b]actually watches children of parents who work[/b]?[/quote]

There isn't.  At least none that will watch your kid when your kid is sick (which happens quite often when your kid is young).  You could have a nanny, but nanny also needs time off (you can't expect her to work year round without a break) and will also get sick.  Some kind of backup like always available local grandparents is great, but few of us have that.

That list sounds pretty reasonable to me (parent of an 8 and 4 yo).  There are things you could skip, and there are some things I said I wouldn't do before I was a parent, and I changed my mind after.  Because most of us want to be good parents, not just non-negligent ones, and when there is a need you see in your child (like you see your child being really shy and timid at preschool and the teacher suggests that maybe some playdates would help), it's hard not to act.  [/quote]

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